Grief and Maintaining Equilibrium

As readers of my previous post know, our fur child Salem passed onto the next realm last week. At risk of sounding like a crazy cat lady (and people are welcome to think this), William and I are still mourning her.

The initial shock of her premature passing has made way for heart wrenching sorrow, and the thought of life without her becomes too much to bear at times. What some don't understand is that our cats are our children. They have personalities and we consider them our family members. Other people talk about their children and show photographs at social gatherings.We do the same - with our cats.

Colleen sent me this message on Monday night, and at the time it brought on a fresh round of tears at the realization yet again of her absence, today I read it again and it brought some comfort.

I stood at your bedside last night, I came to have a peep.

I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.

"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.

You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.

I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.

I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your key.

I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me".

You looked so very tired and sank into a chair.

I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday.

To say to you with certainty "I never went away".

You sat there very quietly, then smiled. 

I think you knew in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over, I smile and watch you yawning.

I say "Good night, I'll see you in the morning"

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,

I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, then come home to be with me.

Courtney shared this picture with us, and like the passage above, it reminded us that our loved ones are only gone from sight. Their spirits remain with us.

Thank you to everyone that has sent us messages of support over the past few days - we are so grateful to you all.

The universe needs equilibrium. What goes up must come down. Yin and yang. 2014 had been going so well for us, we were thrilled. I'd managed to tick off two of my goals for the year in less than six months, and the prospects for the remainder of the year were bright. There was/is so much to look forward to. However, with every action is an equal and opposite reaction.

This had occurred to me recently, but I'd brushed the thought aside. Something wasn't right but I didn't entertain the notion. It never crossed our minds that such an event would happen, throwing the world as we knew it, into total disarray.

Good with the bad. It wouldn't be life if things ran smoothly.

If things aren't going well, don't give up hope. Something good is on the horizon. Hang in there.

On the other side of the coin, nothing can go well all of the time. I realize this may sound pessimistic, but we do need to be realists.

Salem's untimely passing has taught me a valuable lesson. Don't take anything for granted. Tell your family member/friend/cousin/colleague and fur child that you love them. One never knows when that person/pet will no longer be with us.

I regret not taking more photographs, and have made this me mission in life. If you thought I was annoying with my camera before - just wait! At the end of the day, that is all we have left of our loved ones.

So adjust your hair and neaten your outfit, then SMILE for the camera. These are the memories we'll keep forever.

5 Things Thursday - Exams are Over & There's so Much to Look Forward to

So the exam of my life is over, and whilst I'm experiencing the elation that only a fellow student released from his/her academic duties can understand, I also feel worried. Extremely worried.

Did I do enough to pass? Last night I barely slept. Thoughts of items I'd forgotten to include, and mathematical errors I'd made constantly entered my mind. There's nothing I can do about it now, so while I hear you think aloud that I should put it to the recess of my consciousness (how badly I want to do that) - as much as I've told myself this and tried - it does not work. Doubt creeps in and the stress starts all over again.

The curse of a student.

To make matters worse, results will only be released in approximately six weeks.

In an attempt to be positive, last night I thought of all the wonderful things that I can do now that I have a break from studying. They are:

1) Having more than a one day weekend. Attending lectures at Edge Business School each Saturday from 8am - 5pm (on a conservative day - some weeks ran until 9pm) meant that I only had Sunday to do all my errands, grocery shopping, free time to see friends, etc. My mom was so helpful during these past three months, cooking dinners for us and doing my weekly shopping - thank you so much mom. Had I not been working the lack of weekend would not normally affect me, and it dawned on me how fortunate I was to have had that opportunity of free time last year.

2) Reading books and not my study guide. I love reading. Non-fiction crime thrillers are my favorite. Best author is James Patterson hands down. Diversity is the spice of life as they say, so I will be looking for new genres to read in the forthcoming six months. Any suggestions?

3) Spending more time with my friends. I only saw my friends a handful of times during this semester. I rarely visited for more than an hour or two, and due to chores associated with running a household, my chats over BBM were short, and more often than not ended in "I have to finish my assignment" or "I need to do my homework for Saturday's lecture". Thank you friends for being patient and supportive during this rather crazy time. I look forward to making up lost time with you in the coming weeks.

4) Now that I am earning my own money again, I want to see and do everything. Try new things. And spoil myself. Buy myself clothing or perfume or whatever catches my eye, and feel like I have well and truly earned it. 

5) My goal for the second half of the year is to challenge myself. Possibly take a photography course or learn a foreign language. Spanish and Italian have always appealed to me. Leaning towards Spanish as it is spoken in more countries worldwide. 

There is so much to look forward to because life is beautiful, and it feels like it has only just begun for me.

Month One Down And Two Causes for Celebration

Starting with the good news, recently our friends Guy & Kirsty Lidbetter announced they are expecting a baby.  Kirsty - you have such a beautiful nature and a motherly instinct that comes so naturally - watching you interact with Ella and Lexi during our visit last year proved this point hundredfold. Guy - you are going to be spending many a weekend teaching baba how to hold a baseball bat, and hit that winning shot (if it's a little boy), or practicing your batting skills for when your daughter brings her first boyfriend home. Just playing. Congratulations Guy & Kirst, you are going to make the most fantastic parents and we are so happy for you. Baby Lidbetter is due October or thereabouts. 

A picture of the parents-to-be taken whilst adventure golfing in July last year

Ali & Lee welcomed their son, Patrick James Piron into the world on Saturday afternoon - congratulations to big sister Georgia, both sets of grandparents, and all the aunts, uncles and cousins. May Patrick bring much joy to you all. We look forward to seeing some photographs of baby and his family. Best wishes Ali & Lee!

The Piron trio at the beach last July

 I may be a week or so late but I did it! I survived my first month at the office (insert happy dance here). I'll blame month end madness and having to submit an assignment as the cause of the delay of this post.

It was not a smooth ride, and at times I felt frustrated that I wasn't at the level I wanted to be - not knowing what where when or why. I referred to this period as the "washing machine days". Life continued around me, but I felt I had no control over anything, nor did I know which way was up. As the days and weeks passed, I slowly acclimatized and started settling down. If anyone says they knew exactly what they were doing in a new position from day one, I think they would be stretching the truth. Just a little.

Here is a summary of my first month:

• I locked my boss out of SAP by incorrectly entering her password three times (I felt like a real idiot).
• I almost fell down the stairs. Luckily only one person saw my near miss though. He laughed, I laughed and then he carried on working - thank goodness for small victories.
• I have made an enemy out of the IT department. They refuse (OK it is protocol so I can sort of understand their side) to answer any questions or assist with anything - even if it will only take a minute of their time - until *dum dum dum* a call has been logged! This was before I even had a laptop, so just how was I supposed to log a call? Grrrr, frustration is. Now I joke with them in asking if I need to log a call with them before they can respond to an email. Yep, this is going to be a love/hate relationship.
• I have called many people by the wrong name and (felt extremely embarrassed when they corrected me).
• I called five people into the office and explained the reasoning behind their salary increases. This gem fell onto my plate as my boss was on leave that day otherwise I normally wouldn't handle such matters.
• I have used much more Excel than anyone should ever have to in their time on Earth. Yowza, death by cells and formulae.

These points may all sound negative, but looking back on the month, they are the ones that stick out the most. There have also been good experiences, like meeting and getting to know the people within the Finance department, and meeting the Financial Director of Africa and the Middle East. I have learnt alot about the logistics industry, and been rather chuffed to be given responsibilities that require trust. 

I am also no longer the newest person in the department, after the Accounts Payable Team Leader started this past Tuesday. Today, myself and the newest addition to the team commenced our three day official induction. It was extremely interesting and so many blanks have already been filled in. We even visited the company depot at OR Tambo International Airport, and were taken through the life-cycle of a parcel. Excited for day two tomorrow.

Wishing you all a pleasant week.

The Job Hunt is Not for Sissies - but it's OVER!

7 Interviews,
5 recruitment agencies,
3 tanks of petrol,
2 calendar months,
1 box of tranquilizers, and
Countless competency tests and explaining myself to so many different individuals later...

I AM NO LONGER UNEMPLOYED!

Whoohoo!!

It has been quite a journey, one that definitely built character, but I am glad it is over nonetheless.

I started my new job as an accountant at a multi-national freight company today. I did not post this news until the signatures were on the dotted line (one never knows, anything may happen) but now that they are I am able to share the news. The office is situated a mere 13km from home, and with a professional environment and flexi hours, it is a match made in heaven.

The very first recruitment agent I met with secured the interview, which took place last Thursday. After a rather challenging interview comprising both Excel and Accounting competency tests as well as a personality assessment on top of the usual interview questions, and loads of competition, I felt that I would not get a call back. That afternoon my self esteem was at such a low, while doing my grocery shopping, I found an empty aisle in the store and proceeded to have a quick quiet cry! At home, I even went back on to PNet and applied to a few adverts. Imagine my surprise when the agent phoned a few hours later to say I had been selected for a second interview this time with the Financial Director. Nerves! I was elated. Low to high instantly. The second interview focused on interpersonal skills and how I would handle certain situations in the office. I answered to the best of my ability but when my interviewer's face didn't register any clues, doubt instantly set in again. Besides, they were still interviewing people and while I was waiting for my meeting, another applicant was undergoing the competency test! I told myself to hope for the best but expect the worst. Later that afternoon, the recruitment agent phoned with excellent news. I had been offered the job!

I am excited (but also nervous) to start this new chapter in my life. It has been a long time coming. And I can tick an item off my list of goals for 2014. Things are going great this year.

Thank you to everybody that supported me throughout the process, from letting me cry on your shoulders to forwarding my CV to your contacts to sending words of encouragement when I needed them most - it means more to me than I can put into words!

Oh, and thanks for keeping the economy going and paying your taxes whilst I was out of the workforce (haha).

Wishing you all a pleasant week.

Our Anniversary and a Must See Movie

Yesterday William and I celebrated our 6th anniversary of being a couple.

We were introduced by a mutual friend at the end of 2007, and officially started dating a few months later.
As with most normal couples, our road hasn't been an easy one. Rather like a race track with hurdles every couple of hundred meters. We have traveled somewhat, encountered some amazing people and shared in memorable experiences together. We have also spent more time at the home affairs offices than any couple should have to, but that chapter is now closed (and not a moment too soon). One thing I can say is that our journey has been anything but ordinary, and it has matured us in many ways. It has made us stronger, and we will continue to go from strength to strength. We have so much more we want to see and do, and I look forward to writing the next chapter of our book and seeing what the universe has in store for us.

To the upcoming years (cheers!)

Oh, and for those that were disappointed we haven't gotten engaged - go back and read my post 'So when are you getting married?" :)

On Wednesday night, a group of ladies and I went to watch Winter's Tale at the cinema. Wow, what a mixed bag of emotions this film is. Starring Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, Will Smith and others, the story-line revolves around Colin Farrell's character in New York in the icy winters of 1914 and 2014. Synopsis: a burglar falls in love with an heiress, who tragically dies of consumption at age 21. When he learns he has the gift of reincarnation he sets out to save her. I don't want to give too much away so that's all I'm going to say but this is definitely one for the ladies. With some romance, drama, action and even sci-fi it will not disappoint. Colleen and I particularly enjoyed it after recently reading Theresa Caputo's "There's More to Life Than This" - some of the connotations and references in the film were similar to content in Theresa's book. I can highly recommend it, so if you don't have plans this weekend, phone a friend and have a girls day/night out. Don't forget the tissues!

Have a fantastic weekend.

Until next time
x

Job Hunting is not for Sissies - Part 2

You'll recall in part 1 of this saga that I am in the job market (read shark tank) at the moment.

Since that post, there have been a few developments. Some good, some not.

The recruiter that set me up for the interview in Booysens contacted me with an accountant position at a manufacturing company in Edenvale. I agreed to an interview, which took place this past Monday. To say the interview was a disaster would be an understatement. Simply put, the workplace/job and myself were not a good match. I was interviewed by the general manager (husband of the CEO), whom I suspect hated me on sight. I must have reminded him of an ex girlfriend that broke up with him. His manner (rude) and lack of people skills made it a rather uncomfortable 40 minutes, and no matter what answer I gave to his questions they never seemed satisfactory. He would sigh, or even roll his eyes and look out the window at times! I willed myself to stay in my chair and not leave the interview, which was very tempting. The interviewer also insulted me saying I did not score very well on my Excel competency test. As you read in Part 1 I did say that some of the questions involved pivot tables and reformatting graphs, which the average person doesn't work with on a daily basis. I maintained my composure and politely explained this to the interviewer and he smirked. Blood boiling!! Apparently I didn't ask the right questions either, because if he asked if I had any and I responded with "no" he abruptly ended the interview. Frankly, I don't think I could work with someone like that so it was a blessing that it never worked out. Week three of the hunt - going well.

I applied for a position advertised on PNet, and the human resources manager set up an interview at an IT company in Kempton Park this past Wednesday. The environment was stunning: professional and modern. I loved the place and the people immediately. The Financial Manager interviewed me, and told me more about the business and the role I had applied for (or the job spec as it is called). The duties and responsibilities were right up my alley, but my interviewer warned me there would be no room for growth as the company had reached its full potential in the field and the only promotions on offer would be for her position or the CEO, neither of which were available as they were in it for life. Upon hearing that, I wasn't that put off as a job with less stress whilst I'm en route to becoming a chartered accountant would be ideal. Climbing the corporate ladder could come later. During our discussion of remuneration, my interviewer told me that my salary expectation may be too high. This is what worried me. No room for growth and staying on a low pay-grade for three to five years was not ideal. The interview ended with the interviewer telling me that she would forward my CV along with the other candidates' to the CEO for perusal, who would then determine a short list of candidates he personally wanted to meet with. I was disappointed. This company and the role were exactly what I was looking for, but am I willing to sacrifice growth AND finances? Tough one. Let's see.

After telling a friend about the interview woes following the manufacturing company debacle, she encouraged me to apply for a position at the sister company of the one she works for. The position was advertised on LinkedIn and the title "a Key Account Manager" of a consumer product. This was a diversion from the accounting field I am used to, but seeing as though my accounts interviews had gone so badly I figured a change of field may not be the worst idea in the world. After briefly speaking with the human resources manager, my interview was set up for Wednesday (yes, same day as the IT company). The interview was conducted my the managing director, a Jewish man, at the company's premises in Spartan. Thankfully my friend had pre-warned me that it is against the Jewish tradition to shake the hand, or even tough another woman except his wife. You can imagine how odd it felt not being able to greet the interviewer with a smile and firm handshake, as good business acumen prescribes. I willed myself to stay seated when he entered the boardroom and kept repeating "don't reach to shake his hand, don't reach to shake his hand." I didn't and immediately mentally high-fived myself. The interviewer's main concern was that I would not be the perfect fit for the position, having only had a purely financial background. I tried to convince him otherwise, stating that I felt business is only built on customer relationships and that it is a skill that always has room for improvement. True, I do still want to become a chartered accountant, but having some customer interface experience could only assist me later in life, whether I am in the finance field or not. The interview was less than half an hour and purely consisted of discussion as to whether or not I was suitable for the position. I was told my application would be considered and discussed with another member of senior management after which they will contact me. Before the interview I was positive and upbeat about the change in career direction but coming out of it, self doubt had crept in. Whether or not the job is offered to me remains to be seen and if offered, whether or not I will accept it will require A LOT of thought.

In between these interviews, I have still been trawling the websites, following up with the recruitment agents and (out of desperation) yesterday I bought the classifieds newspaper. There were no suitable vacancies but at least it was another option investigated.

In summation - three weeks and four interviews. Hours of "selling myself" and getting all worked up with nerves prior to each interview. I understand that candidates need to put their best foot forward and mention all their good points to stand a chance of being offered a job, but what if someone were to over-sell him/herself and not be able to deliver once employed? Modesty goes out the window in interviews and that fact makes me uncomfortable. 

Overall the job hunt process is draining: mentally and emotionally but I am eternally optimistic that this series ends with Part 3.

Have a great weekend!

Job Hunting is not for Sissies - Part 1

After two years at home as a full time accounting student, I have decided to re-enter the workforce and am currently in the job market.

I now know (and understand) why some people stay in the same dead end job for years. They're unhappy, but it's way better than being out there in the shark tank. Job hunting is a roller-coaster. There will be peaks when everything is going well - and you literally feel like throwing your arms up in the air and screaming "woohoo" - and also pits, where your heart is in your throat and you are very tempted to push the emergency stop button and exit the ride.

Securing an interview boosts self confidence and job seekers are instilled with fresh motivation. They are worth something. They CAN secure that position. Elation. Happiness is. And then there are the moments when you have never doubted yourself more. When a recruitment agent is picking your CV apart like a microbiologist examining the stem of a plant, your self confidence decreases. They question everything. Rightfully so, though. They need to know who and what you are before sending you for interviews. For once I am on the receiving end of numerous questions and requests to provide supporting documents. The auditor becomes the auditee. Recruitment agents audit candidates.

This is how the process works in South Africa: a candidate applies for a position (submits his/her CV) on one of the many job websites. The recruitment agent that posted the advert reviews the CVs and makes a short list of the suitable candidates for the relevant position. The agent then contacts the short list of candidates and arranges to meet them for an interview. Candidates are required to take copies of their Identity Documents, drivers licenses, Matric and tertiary qualification certificates, a photograph, and their last/most recent payslip to the interview. That's just the start of the admin. Once at the agency, candidates are required to fill out indemnity forms, confidentiality; disclaimer and biographical information forms. Forms to consent to ITC and criminal record checks are also signed. Fingerprints are taken and only after that will the agent sit down with you. Again, these checks are all within reason as the responsibility of making an successful placement rests with the agent.

Up till now, I have met with four recruiters.

Recruitment agent #1: This agency (well renowned company with branches all over South Africa) is situated in Boksburg. I ran the verification gauntlet above, and then had to complete competency tests on Microsoft Excel and Bookkeeping. The Excel test comprised simple (make the text of a cell "bold") and more difficult (reformatting graphs and tables) questions. I managed to pass, luckily. The bookkeeping test went much better than the Excel test and I scored 96%. Yay me. The consultant didn't quiz me on what type of industry or environment I'd like to work in (which I feel are pertinent questions), nor did she ask about my interpersonal skills or long term goals. The agent had a position in mind for me, and to be honest I think that was it for her. I was the perfect candidate and she wouldn't have to look any further. The company in question was in the agricultural industry, situated in Booysens (the not so nice part of Johannesburg). I went for the interview, and although the managerial experience and responsibility were plus factors there were also some negatives to it. I discussed the job with my mom, William and a few friends, slept on it and then decided the next morning to turn it down. Some may question my reasoning with this decision, but I felt it was better to wait for a better suited opportunity to come along than accept the first offer simply because it was an offer.

Recruitment agent #2: A friend referred me to this purely financial oriented agency in Midrand, after having dealt with them recently. After agent #1 I was hopeful that this would be the key. This consultant was everything agent #1 was not. She was warm, friendly and she encompassed the vision of a recruitment agent I had in mind. Our conversation points included personality traits, technical specifications, ideal work environments, hopes and dreams. Real in depth getting-to-know-the-candidate stuff. She mentioned a position that had become available just before Christmas at a multi-national French cosmetics company that I would be suitable for, and I was elated. A French cosmetics company! What more could a girl ask for? I took French to IGCSE level in high school. The name of this very blog is of French origin! Heck, I'm even considering buying a French car. It was fate. She told me not to get my hopes up as she would have to confirm that the vacancy had not yet been filled, but it was too late. I was already day dreaming of business trips to Paris, attending glamorous photo shoots for products and improving my vocabulary and cultural skills.Failing that vacancy, the consultant assured me she had other opportunities for me so I should go home and wait for her call. I did. She never got back to me regarding the French job (or any other for that matter) so I assume there's nothing available at the moment. I'm disappointed.

Recruitment agent #3: This referral came from a family friend, and our interview was held in Johannesburg. The consultant was bubbly, friendly, and vibrant but possesses the analytical skills worthy of the law degree she holds. After questioning me about my previous work experience, qualifications and personality, the conversation moved to prospective work environments. A question that came up in all three of my interviews was: How do I handle conflict? My response was that I am not an aggressive person and will try solve matters with the other party in an even manner . Should that be unsuccessful I would call a senior member of staff to assist. At the time it seemed a strange question, but looking back it was very important as conflict between staff members arises frequently, and no company wants to employ a candidate with anger issues. The consultant then asked if I would be interested in returning to an audit firm. No deal. My experience in public practice built character, and taught me about many different industries but it can be soul devouring at times. Besides, I'd like to experience the work environment on the other side of the fence - that way I can make an informed decision about long term prospects. I was told that not wanting another public practice job eliminated a fair amount of vacancies, but I should sit tight and wait as new vacancies come up every day and the right one was out there for me.

Recruitment agent #4: I responded to an online advert for a vacancy on PNet, and agent #4 contacted me to set up a meeting at her Benoni based office. This time I was required to complete a typing skills evaluation. I'm not the fastest typist but I managed to score in the 90th percentile (fist pump). As per usual, she went through my CV with a fine tooth comb and asked questions like "Why has it taken you so long to complete your degree?". Fair enough question but on that day I took it a bit personally. I replied evenly with "I started articles and studying at the same time" but in my mind I was totally defensive. The agent moved on to interpersonal skills and asked why I thought a company should hire me. What does one say that a million candidates before them HAVEN'T said? The usual buzz words such as loyal, honest, hardworking, attentive to detail, etc immediately come to mind. I picked the ones I felt described me best but this agent wasn't appeased. She told me that since I had very little interview skills she would coach me on the best way to answer these questions. Apparently one should use one of the abovementioned qualities and then back it up with an example. I was then asked if I had won any special awards or similar at my previous workplace. Um no, auditing isn't really the "Employee of the Month" type of industry. At the end of our interview, the agent said she would like to send me for an interview at a mining equipment company not too far from home.What I've learnt in the job hunting game is that it encompasses the hurry-up-and-wait mentality. Nothing happens quickly.

I haven't left the hunt solely up to the recruitment agents. In between meetings with them, I have been trawling PNet, Careers24 and Career Junction. I have responded to adverts in the local newspaper, followed up on friend's referrals and taken a long shot by emailing my CV to companies that list their HR department contact details on their website. Some respond to acknowledge your email, advise you there aren't any suitable vacancies at present but will keep your CV on file for future reference. Others don't respond at all.

That is where I stand at the moment. Two weeks of active job hunting in, and I am experiencing many emotions. Frustration, excitement, impatience, hope. Yes, the right job will come along at the right time, sooner rather than later though - preferably.

Being the Recipient of Unwanted Attention

Recently I was the subject of a person's attention. Unwanted attention of course.

The individual in question is male, a pensioner and married. I met him at a local community meeting, and last October he took my cell phone number off the attendance register. Initially he texted me about matters relating to the committee we both serve on, and sent me pictures of his children and their families. Harmless enough. Then the messages turned to those of a more personal nature. The content could never be considered inappropriate, but they made me feel uncomfortable. As an example, the subject varied from my exams to Christmas plans. Then there was the plain bizarre - the scout's promise. I told William what was going on and showed him the messages. He suggested I ignore any future incoming texts, which I did.

On average I would receive  three to four texts per week (which I either curtly responded too in the beginning or ignored by the time November came around), then as time progressed the numbers increased to approximately ten per week. By that stage I had long since stopped responding, hopeful that he would get the hint and leave me alone. My plan failed. When he realized he wouldn't get a response from me, he resorted to phone calls. I wouldn't answer.

Whilst I believe this person's intentions were good, and perhaps he was lonely, I marveled at his perseverance in trying to engage me in conversation. Eventually I downloaded a call blocking application and blocked him. No texts or calls. I sighed with relief.

The matter reached a head this week when the call blocking app failed and I received a text from him: 
"Simone - it seems we can't be ourselves so any relationship is going to be uncomfortable - that's sad?"

That was the last straw. I had reached my boiling point. I'd tried the polite but direct approach of ignoring him, so now I was going to be honest. No uncertain terms. This has gone on for far too long, and I had grown tired of seeing his name appear in the sender's field of a text message. I'd been made to feel guilty for being innocent. I wondered what William thought, if maybe I had lead this person on (which I most certainly did not) but I realized how it may seem. If the roles were reversed, I would feel so many emotions but most of all anger.

I replied to the message, telling him to never call or text me again. Ever defiant, he sent back: "Shame!"

Thankfully, since then I have not received any form of correspondence from him and I hope that trend continues. What I experienced cannot even be considered similar to what women that are stalked (or worse yet, raped) go through and I hope I never find out. No means no.

Gone are the days where we feel compelled to be respectful to others if they are stepping over our personal boundaries, irrespective of age, rank or other.

Stand up for yourself, because at the end of the day, you can only rely on yourself.

Migraines

Yesterday afternoon I had a migraine. My first one in over 16 months and I was unprepared for it.

After being migraine free for so long I thought I had seen the last of them but alas, it wasn't so.

Here's a bit of background info on migraines, according to Wikipedia:

Migraine is a chronic neurological disorder characterized by recurrent moderate to severe headaches often in association with a number of autonomic nervous system symptoms. Typically the headache is unilateral (affecting one half of the head) and pulsating in nature, lasting from 2 to 72 hours. Associated symptoms may include nausea, vomiting, photophobia (increased sensitivity to light), phonophobia (increased sensitivity to sound) and the pain is generally aggravated by physical activity.^[3] Up to one-third of people with migraine headaches perceive an aura: a transient visual, sensory, language, or motor disturbance which signals that the headache will soon occur.^[3] Occasionally an aura can occur with little or no headache following it. 

Migraines are believed to be due to a mixture of environmental and genetic factors.

In my case, it is hereditary. My mom was a sufferer as was my granddad's side of the family. I've had migraines since I was five years old. Triggers would include bright lights (like the flood lights on a tennis court, dietary items (apparently dairy is common but this is unconfirmed, and naturally stress. A typical attack would be brought on by the aura mentioned above, and a pins and needles feeling in my fingers and hands. Imagine electric spider webs compromising your vision, starting off slowly and small before increasing so much that I could barely see. For a young child it's scary. I didn't know what was happening. So I would panic and that would make it worse. The tingling and visual impairment would last half an hour and then the vomiting, diarrohea and headache would start. Once this began, I was man down. It would last two to three days. Eventually I would just lie on the bathroom floor because any slight movement of lifting my head off the pillow would make me dizzy and feel faint. In between the vomiting I would sleep. A dead type of sleep where you don't dream, it's just black. Once the gastrointestinal episode was over, I would be able to eat and sit up in bed but I was weak and sluggish. Only a day or so after that would I start feeling more human and function normally. Back then they lasted a whole week. I missed a lot of school days due to these migraines.

When I was seven years old my mom booked an appointment with a neurologist. After being treated like a typical lab rat with blood work, MRI's, EEG's and other tests he concluded it was definitely migraines and started me on a treatment plan. Dr Terblanche prescribed a nasal spray that I was to to take as soon as I felt a migraine coming on. It was expensive but effective and reduced improved my recovery time from five days to two. Once I knew how to handle the migraines, and as I got older, the frequency of them decreased. I went from having two or three per year to one per year. By the time I reached the end of my high school career I hadn't had an attack in years. 

In the years since then (ten to be exact), I have had small attacks. Most commonly in the past two years. Thankfully they would not be as severe as when I was an adolescent. In these cases, they would come on while I was exercising, yet I know that the real trigger was stress. So, I booked another appointment with Dr Terblanche in November 2012, and ran the lab rat gauntlet once again. He found no abnormalities in my results, and prescribed a series of vitamins to take on a daily basis to balance the chemicals in my brain. I take Stat-10 Choice, Vitamin B, and magnesium slow release tablets. Dr Terblanche also prescribed "rescue medicine". It consisted of a wafer to place under my tongue and a tablet when I felt an attack coming on.

Everything had been going well until yesterday. I had alot on my mind (job, studies, juggling everyday tasks, etc) and had just arrived at the gym when the aura started, and unfortunately I didn't have my rescue medicine on me. Dr T warned me it would only be effective if taken immediately so knowing it was pointless to walk home to get the meds, I decided to continue with the gym class. Thankfully the gastrointestinal phase of the attacks seem to have fallen away in later life, but the headache remains the same. It was right at the base of my skull and every time I sneezed, coughed or bent down, it would throb. I ate a small dinner then had an early night, and woke up this morning feeling 95%. By tomorrow I will be back to normal (thank goodness). 

As unpleasant as the experience was, it reminded me that it is OK to not be a superhuman. Sometimes I need to just relax a bit and let some things slide. No use getting all worked up for nothing.

If anyone reading this has migraines - seek help. Why suffer if you don't have to?

Consult your local neurologist, or The Headache Clinic and improve your quality of life.

Image courtesy of ageonicsmedical.com

I NEED help

These are difficult words for me to say, but the time has come and I am forced to say them.

I do not abuse drugs or alcohol, nor am I depressed.

My problem is of an academic nature, and I need help.

I have failed the last remaining subject of my Bachelors degree for the umpteenth time and I am desperate. This one subject is holding me back from progressing to my postgraduate degree, and after failing so many times, my self confidence has taken a huge knock. I do not believe I am a stupid person, and I work hard so therefore my problem must be that I don't understand the fundamentals of this subject.

I have received numerous (generous) offers of help, from colleagues, lecturers and friends whom I have all turned down.

Why, you ask?

Simple. I am too proud. I would rather push through on my own than accept an offer of help. This is one of my major flaws and has been for a long time. An instance I remember well is one day I was swimming in the sea, and misjudged the current. It was strong, and began pulling me out. Despite being a fairly strong swimmer I was in trouble. A lifeguard noticed me battling, and swam out with his can to rescue me. When he approached me I said I was fine and did not need his help. I was embarrassed but felt the situation would have been even worse had he brought me ashore. He continued swimming out but kept me in sight. Determined to prove that I didn't his help, my strength was renewed and after much effort I managed to get back to safety.

Now, like that day at the beach, I have been pulled further and further from graduation and now is the time I accept the proverbial lifeguard's help. People must think I enjoy failing because I do it so often.

Thank you to everybody that has supported me throughout, and to those that have offered their assistance. I WILL be taking you up on your offers in the near future.

Pride sufficiently swallowed.