Gratitude, Manners & Compliments

Just when I thought 'thank you' had gone out of fashion, I was pleasantly surprised by a letter of gratitude.

William and I donated some of our older clothing to a family (a mom and three children aged 10-18) in need. The mom of the family works for my grandparents on the farm in Mpumalanga, and after being widowed last year, was struggling to make ends meet.

Such a small gesture on our part invoked such gracefulness from the family, and their letter of thanks brought tears to our eyes. Things we take for granted every day can make a big difference in someone else's life. Give a little.

Manners

Please.

Thank you.

May I?

Do you need some help?

These words should form a large part of our vocabulary today, but sadly they are in the minority. Worse yet is that it is the adults that need reminding, not even the smallest younger children. What has happened in this new age? Being polite seems to be taboo. We have become rude and treat service people (such as waitrons) with less respect than they deserve. This will be the fall of society. The animal kingdom are far more civilized than the human race.

Thank a friend for doing you a favor. These two small words have a great effect and will ensure that friend's commitment to helping you out again in future. A verbal good faith payment, if you will.

Compliments

We do not give compliments often enough. Think about how good you feel when someone says they like your shoes, or how that new hairstyle shaves 10 years off their age. Weigh lost - tell that person that the loss of 5kgs has done wonders for their appearance.

The positive feedback encourages the recipient to continue the struggle until reaching goal weight. Times when they are so desperately craving a chocolate they will remember your compliment, and that may just be the moral support they need to stay on the right track. Everybody needs compliments to boost their self confidence.

So why don't we compliment more? 

Are we jealous of that person and their success? With adulthood, we should be able to put such emotions aside and see the bigger picture.

Someone once told me that she notices good things about people in her life, and mentally acknowledges the nice handbag or changed hair colour, but doesn't verbalize the compliment. In my opinion that is the same as not complimenting someone at all. What good is thinking it but not saying it?  This is not the same as the phrase 'If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.' Exactly the opposite.

If you have something nice to say, don't not say it at all. Double negative = a positive (remember your high school Maths teacher reiterating this principle).

This picture sums it all up for me.

P.S Not expecting any compliments on the aesthetics of this blog as it is under construction, and I hope to present you with a finished product in the not too distant future.

5 Things Thursday

A fellow blogger created this series called '7 Things' and I found the idea extremely appealing as it would bring variety to each post. Instead of rambling on about one subject for 12 000 characters which could possibly result in a reader (or even myself) losing interest, I am able to include multiple topics without making them seem inane or irrelevant of one another.

So here goes, a wrap up of the week that was:

1) The Oscar Pistorius Trial. No matter where one goes in South Africa, we are bombarded with up to the minute coverage of the trial. We have a dedicated radio and television channel broadcasting the proceedings live (a world first - fist pump for SA), newspaper headlines lead with the latest developments - it's even all over social media. Now in its' third week, and with no prospect of the end in sight, some members of the public are getting frustrated. What started off as interest has been replaced with boredom. The fact of the matter is he shot dead his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. No question about it. Now, the issue at hand is whether it was premeditated or self defence, and the sentence he receives will be based on this outcome. Witnesses of all calibers have been called from neighbours of the paralympian athlete to experts from the USA. Everyone has an opinion on what happened that fateful night, but only the court's verdict counts. 

2) The disappearance of flight MH370. The aircraft, carrying 239 people, disappeared on 8 March. No distress signals were transmitted, and according to engineers all modes of communication were severed  a mere hour into the flight, setting off theories of a hijacking. If it was a hijacking, wouldn't the captors have made contact and given their demands? I find the "Lost" theory very hard to believe. Basically the aircraft has landed on some remote island (possibly as part of the hijacking). Seriously, it's a Boeing. It requires a certain distance of runway on which to land, and wouldn't someone have spotted the plane? The chances of these people being found alive are virtually zero. They would not have had enough supplies on which to survive, and if the aircraft landed/crashed into the sea, they would have required immediate rescue. Another interesting theory (and one I'm tending to agree with) was compiled by Chris Goodfellow, a pilot. Read it here.

Earlier today, assumed pieces of wreckage off the western coast of Perth were spotted via satellite. Ships from multiple nations converged on the area but the weather was poor and visibility limited. The search will resume tomorrow, and hopefully some closure will be brought to the matter. I can't imagine what the families of those on board may be experiencing, but to find out what happened may ease their sadness somewhat.

3) William celebrates his birthday this Sunday! My other half will be celebrating the 32nd anniversary of the day of his birth, and we are going to spend the day doing whatever he wants. It's only right seeing as though it is his birthday. Happy happy birthday my love, I wish you a year of health, wealth and happiness and a lifetime of joy in abundance.

4) Tomorrow is Human Rights Day in South Africa. Ramsey Clark said "A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no-one can take from you." Be kind to your fellow man, and accept them for who they are. Humanity has fought enough fights. Live and let live.

5) This week I received my first compliment from my boss! Happiness is. 

Wishing you all an awesome long weekend. 

The Problem With... Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day originates back to the 14^th century when it received its first connotations about love, and since then has become one of the most celebrated occasions on the calendar.

Call me a pessimist/killjoy but I’ve never been one to partake in the money making gimmick that is Valentine’s Day. Retailers promote the “day of love” in order to boost profits, and one can almost picture the MD of Cardies rubbing his hands together in delight. An example: 12 red roses normally sell for less than R200 but because it’s Valentine’s Day the price doubles to R400!

R400 for flowers (that although pretty) will wilt and die in a few days. Sure – prove your undying love for your partner with some botanicals that won’t make it past Sunday. Flowers aside, teddy bears; chocolates; and those cheesy “I heart you” mugs are all marked up 200%. Restaurants go the extra mile by offering a three course meal with the clichéd violinist, to serenade their patrons. Oh, and to justify the price they’ll even throw in some chocolates. How generous.

Then there are the couples that get engaged on Valentine’s Day. To each their own, but honestly how many other people (in the same restaurant) are going to be fishing rings out of their champagne glasses? Be original!

My fundamental issue with Valentine’s Day is why not show your love/appreciation for your partner every day of the year? Why are we limited to one day? The best gifts or dinners are the unexpected ones. Prices are cheaper and restaurants are emptier.

What am I doing for Valentines? William and I are going to watch a movie and we’ll probably have a home cooked dinner. There’s no one else I’d rather spend my evening with, partaking in one of our favorite things to do.

Whether you celebrate the occasion or not, have a happy Friday and good weekend!

Disappointment

Of all the emotions, this one hurts the heart the most.

It's not like anger which is a superficial emotion, similar to a hurricane that loses velocity over time. No, this is worse than anger

It hurts. It burns. 

Mostly because it was a shock to the system I believe. 

One wasn't expecting to feel this way. Maybe because we believed that the outcome that would trigger this emotion would never occur. We willed it not to. We hoped. We were so focused on the end goal not willing to accept anything less than the desired result.

But life doesn't work that way. Neither does human nature. So we are forced to experience disappointment in its purest form. It's that ball of cement in your stomach that makes a person feel physically ill. Sadness, disappointment's friend, also features here. Once the initial shock wears off, we are left unhappy, and possibly a tiny bit vengeful towards the person that caused us to feel this way. We want to hurt them like they hurt us so they know what it feels like.

You see, disappointment is the gateway to the other (more negative) emotions.

At some point though, we have to pick up the shattered pieces and go on with life. As much as we are hurting, we cannot let it oppress us else we'll never move forward. We need to, for our sakes as well as the offending party's. Be mad, be disappointed, be every kind of emotion, because you are entitled to feel like that. Then we need to accept the problem and figure out an acceptable solution. Time is a key factor. No-one is able to forgive and forget in mere hours. Eventually it hurts less and less.

Thereafter, the emotional gauntlet has been run, and life returns to a semblance of normality.

If you're wondering what brought on this post, my mom (who quit smoking 6 months ago) started again. 

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.
Martin Luther King, Jr.