2013 - A Year in Review

2013. The year of the snake according to the Chinese zodiac.

An excerpt from Zodiac.com:

Ride the calmer waters of 2013 with ease!

Expect an exciting year, not necessarily for the faint of heart! The Year of the Water Snake begins February 10, 2013 and ends January 30, 2014. Be bolder and more open-minded as this year unfolds!

Do your best to get organized as the year begins. Setbacks, delays, and a need for some do-overs can challenge everyone's patience and resolve. In a Snake year, jealousy and keeping secrets works against everyone's best interests. A big lesson for all is to have the courage to face difficult emotional truths and still be true to what your heart tells you.

A snake of a year indeed. Personally, it hasn't been one of my best years, and come 31 December I will be very glad to see it go. In fact, I'll wave it goodbye with as much gusto as I can muster.

Things I've learnt in 2013:

1) Doing things for yourself is empowering. Those small niggly DIY tasks, or perhaps trying to do something new that you would normally ask someone else to do. You'll be surprised at the sense of accomplishment you'll feel when the task is completed. By the same token, if you try and don't succeed - ask for help. This was a big lesson I learnt in 2013, and remember there is no shame in it. 

2) Fix damaged friendships/relationships as soon as possible. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to fix and although things may never be the same again, you will salvage a relationship that (at some point) meant a great deal to you. Try, and if the other party is not forthcoming, step back. There's only so much a person can do.

3) How to budget. Wow, now this one was educational. In today's tough economic times, a person has to budget. It is a necessity. The cost of living has skyrocketed. Between increased fuel prices and thus inflated food prices, higher electricity costs and fewer salary raises, citizens are forced to count their pennies and carefully calculate their spending. The latest gift the South African government has given us is E-tolls, right in time for Christmas, which only adds strain to the average man on the street's already fragile residual income. To combat this, I have taken out loyalty cards at most of SA's major retailers. True, my purse can barely close for the Dis Chem, Clicks, Pick n Pay, Woolworths, and Edgars loyalty cards that are in it, but every little bit helps. I may only get a tiny percentage of my spending back, but it's better than nothing right? Another trick is to rather take your own shopping bags when doing grocery shopping, and this alone saves you 27c per bag. It's all in the small things.

4) Happiness is a choice. Yes, I understand depressed people will argue that it's a chemical imbalance and they cannot control their happiness meter. I agree, but believe that these people can choose to be happy. Take that first step to seek help, and therefore choose to be happy. Go to a pychologist for counselling, and then if prescribed, take the anti-depressants. No-one can help you unless you want to help yourself.

5) Give back. Whether it be your time at an animal shelter or at a children's home, or if time is in short supply, a donation of either cash or goods. Many charities in our country do not receive government funding, and rely on the goodwill of residents to keep them going. I need not remind you of Karma, and what goes around comes around.

Right, onto highlights and lowlights:

Peaks of 2013

- Top of the list is our overseas holiday in June with my grandparents to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday. We did a cruise of the Greek Isles and Turkey, followed by a few days in Croatia. William and I then continued on to the UK for a week and caught up with some old friends - easily one of my favourite trips abroad.

- I lost a good deal of weight and became a fitter and healthier version of myself (blog post to follow in the new year).

Pitts of 2013

- Academically, it was a bad year. I was unsuccessful in passing the one undergraduate module in order to complete my Bachelor of Accounting Sciences degree. It is a subject I've always battled with, but have accepted that I need help in order to pass (see life lesson one)

- Some prominent people in my life really struggled this year, and the shockwaves from their battles impacted on me. Not going into detail with this one, but the problems have been rectified and going into 2014 I am hopeful that these issues will remain in the past where they belong.

Goals for 2014

* Pass that nasty subject (Group Financial Reporting) and graduate. 

* Find a fantastic job that enables me to travel (ha ha) and reignite my sense of self worth.

* Complete an Open Water Scuba Diving course and dive a ship wreck off the coast of Durban.

* Generally - spend time with those that mean the most to me. Quality time quality time quality time!

Thank you for taking the time out to read this blog, it means more to me than you know.

Wishing you and you families a very Merry Christmas and all the best for 2014 (the year of the horse).

I NEED help

These are difficult words for me to say, but the time has come and I am forced to say them.

I do not abuse drugs or alcohol, nor am I depressed.

My problem is of an academic nature, and I need help.

I have failed the last remaining subject of my Bachelors degree for the umpteenth time and I am desperate. This one subject is holding me back from progressing to my postgraduate degree, and after failing so many times, my self confidence has taken a huge knock. I do not believe I am a stupid person, and I work hard so therefore my problem must be that I don't understand the fundamentals of this subject.

I have received numerous (generous) offers of help, from colleagues, lecturers and friends whom I have all turned down.

Why, you ask?

Simple. I am too proud. I would rather push through on my own than accept an offer of help. This is one of my major flaws and has been for a long time. An instance I remember well is one day I was swimming in the sea, and misjudged the current. It was strong, and began pulling me out. Despite being a fairly strong swimmer I was in trouble. A lifeguard noticed me battling, and swam out with his can to rescue me. When he approached me I said I was fine and did not need his help. I was embarrassed but felt the situation would have been even worse had he brought me ashore. He continued swimming out but kept me in sight. Determined to prove that I didn't his help, my strength was renewed and after much effort I managed to get back to safety.

Now, like that day at the beach, I have been pulled further and further from graduation and now is the time I accept the proverbial lifeguard's help. People must think I enjoy failing because I do it so often.

Thank you to everybody that has supported me throughout, and to those that have offered their assistance. I WILL be taking you up on your offers in the near future.

Pride sufficiently swallowed.

Suicide - It Can Be Prevented

An incident occured in our suburb last weekend which prompted me to write this post.

A resident was threatening to commit suicide. Luckily, someone had the presence of mind to call in the professionals, and a chaplain was able to talk to convince him/her not to go through with the act. The person required hospitalisation, but will be receiving the treatment he/she desperately needs,

Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.

Sadly it is at this time of year where suicides are more prevalent. Christmas is approaching, and so is the financial burden that goes with it. Whilst not all cases are finance related, some people are lonely and will go to any means necessary not to spend the festive season alone.

According to the International Association for Suicide Prevention, the top five negative life experiences that may cause depression are as follows:

* The death of a loved one

* Divorce, separation or break up from a spouse/life partner

* Serious/terminal illness

* Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)

* Alcohol and drug abuse

Statistics

There are 23 suicides per day in South Africa.

230 attempted suicides per day.

One million people commit suicide annually.

This figure is expected to increase to 1.53 million by 2020.

One in five people suffer from some form of mental illness.

South Africa is ranked 8th highest in the world for suicide.

Having been personally affected by suicide (my dad took his life when I was three years old), I feel passionately about the subject. I also get angry when it is considered an "embarrrasment", and then a secret. There is nothing to be ashamed of! The fact that suicide is one of those topics that doesn't get much airplay is partly the reason the statistics are so high.

People suffer from depression. Sometimes it may seem like there is no solution to the problem. Maybe he/she hasn't considered asking for help.

One thing I do know is not enough awareness surrounds suicide. World Suicide Prevention Day is commemorated annually on the 10th of September. Lifeline encourages people with suicidal thoughts to contact them through their various communication channels. But what about a day-to-day basis?

Shouldn't this be something that is taught in schools? During Guidance lessons, or life orientation perhaps? Likewise for adults - shouldn't the Human Resources manager promote therapy to staff and make the info readily available?

Yes, I realise people live with many of their own problems and a highly visible suicide prevention demonstartion may take their happiness meter down a notch or two, but unfortunately that is life and we need to deal with these hurdles. Instead of burying our heads in the sand, we need to confront the situation. This way we can help people in time.

According to a report prepared by The University of Cape Town, the following are warning signs of suicide:

* Talking or joking about suicide

* Self criticization or minimization

* Changes in personality

* Loss of interest in appearance/hygiene

* Risk taking dangerous behavior

* Excessive feelings of guilt

If you suspect a colleague/friend/family member may be depressed, don't ignore your gut feel. Approach them, maybe that person is counting on someone to rescue them. What kind of people would we be to ignore our fellow man's suffering? The South African Depression and Anxiety Group has the following tips:

Be direct.

Talk openly and matter of factly about suicide.

Be willing to listen.

Allow expression of feelings.

Accept these feelings.

Imagine reaching such a low point in your life where you truly believe you are responsible for  everything that has gone wrong and there is no solution. No way out.

But there is. There is always a solution to every problem. The key is to seek help.

I (my two half sisters, their mom, and my own mom) miss my dad terribly. There s not one day that goes by where he doesn't cross our minds. Or a special occasion where we think "We wish our dad was here". Yes, he is missing out on some really great stuff, and the fact that we he won't be able to give his three daughters away at their weddings, or watch his grandchildren grow up, is sad. These are the consequences of his actions that we all have to deal with. My dad was depressed. He'd been a Sergeant Major in the South African Army, and had not had an easy childhood. But he was too proud to seek help. And this was his biggest mistake.

Prevent the action before it happens. Seek help.

Contacts and references

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group - www.sadag.org.za

Lifeline - www.lifeline.org.za

International Association for Suicide Prevention - www.iasp.info

Suicide Prevention, Awareness & Support - www.suicide.org.

Be Unique... Just Like Everyone Else

It has been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but why wouldn't one want to be an original in a world full of copies?

From the day we are brought into this world, we make choices that affect our journey in life. We develop personalities, have differing fashion senses, and discover our likes and dislikes. No two human beings are the same - revel in it!

We are the captains of our fate, and the masters of our destiny.

I, for one, cannot handle when parents dress their children identically. Yes, OK, if they are twins or identical twins it may be slightly more acceptable, but the fact remains that those children will never be exactly like their brother or sister. They have their own opinions, own dreams, own fears, etc. So WHY would they want to dress the same? Let them be their own people.

We only live once, so make the most of it. Stop worrying about what others think of you and just do it. At the end of the day - when you look back on your life - you will be proud.

There is nothing more expensive than regrets.

Happy Friday, readers!

** As a side note, if any readers have comments on my posts (whether in agreement or disagreement), please comment here (beneath this post) instead of sharing a link with your comment. I want to see you be brave... **

Angie & Roger tie the Knot

On a happier note, my good friend, Angelique Jooste recently became a Mrs when she married Roger Dias.

Angie & Roger met three years ago at a work social, and got engaged last October. The wedding date was set as the one year anniversary of their engagement, being the 26th.

The venue, Soli Deo Gloria Boutique Hotel, is situated in Northriding, Johannesburg. 

The ceremony took place in the hotel's beautiful garden, and thankfully the weather held out. There were a few ominous clouds that threatened to move the vows indoors, but by the time the ceremony began the sun shone beautifully in the afternoon sky.

The maid of honour, Jackie and bridesmaid Fatima, wore beautiful plum sweetheart cocktail dresses and Angie wore a stunning mermaid style dress with beading on the bodice. I doubt there was a dry eye in the house when the father of the bride shook Roger's hand and presented his daughter to the groom.

The service was conducted by an Irish priest, and comprised a good deal of humour which the congregation enjoyed.

Instead of having a ring bearer, the rings were transported down the aisle in a different manner...

The reception followed in the evening, and what an amazing job Angie and the decor team did. The colour scheme was purple and red and whilst one may think these colours would normally clash, they actually complimented one another and produced a breathtaking sight.

The cake (and some of the decor) was centred around the couple's love of nature and the "guestbook" was wood from a tree trunk. The cake was a beautiful three tier (chocolate, vanilla and fruit cake) and the toppers were monkeys. Anyone that knows the couple is aware that they affectionately call each other macaco (monkey in Portuguese).

Later in the evening, the DJ announced that the cake toppers had been taken and kindly asked whoever had taken them to please return them. Roger's mom, Emilia, later explained that the stealing of the cake toppers is a Portuguese tradition, and whoever takes them must return them to the married couple on their first wedding anniversary and take the couple for lunch/dinner. Fascinating!

Once the speeches and formalities were finished, Roger & Angie opened the dance floor with more than the usual one-two-shuffle they told us to expect (nice one guys). Rather the newlyweds did twirls and dips and looked so happy and at ease. 

What a lovely wedding it was, one that the guests will remember for years to come.

Wishing the new Mr & Mrs Roger Dias a lifetime of happiness and love.

Disappointment

Of all the emotions, this one hurts the heart the most.

It's not like anger which is a superficial emotion, similar to a hurricane that loses velocity over time. No, this is worse than anger

It hurts. It burns. 

Mostly because it was a shock to the system I believe. 

One wasn't expecting to feel this way. Maybe because we believed that the outcome that would trigger this emotion would never occur. We willed it not to. We hoped. We were so focused on the end goal not willing to accept anything less than the desired result.

But life doesn't work that way. Neither does human nature. So we are forced to experience disappointment in its purest form. It's that ball of cement in your stomach that makes a person feel physically ill. Sadness, disappointment's friend, also features here. Once the initial shock wears off, we are left unhappy, and possibly a tiny bit vengeful towards the person that caused us to feel this way. We want to hurt them like they hurt us so they know what it feels like.

You see, disappointment is the gateway to the other (more negative) emotions.

At some point though, we have to pick up the shattered pieces and go on with life. As much as we are hurting, we cannot let it oppress us else we'll never move forward. We need to, for our sakes as well as the offending party's. Be mad, be disappointed, be every kind of emotion, because you are entitled to feel like that. Then we need to accept the problem and figure out an acceptable solution. Time is a key factor. No-one is able to forgive and forget in mere hours. Eventually it hurts less and less.

Thereafter, the emotional gauntlet has been run, and life returns to a semblance of normality.

If you're wondering what brought on this post, my mom (who quit smoking 6 months ago) started again. 

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Do your bit and VOTE!

So, it's almost that time again. Next year South African citizenss will be returning to the polls to cast their vote in the 2014 National & Provincial Elections.

More importantly, this coming weekend (9th & 10th November) is the voter registration weekend.

If you have not voted previously (due to being underage or just disinterested) now is your chance to visit a voting station and register. All you need to take with you is your South African green barcoded Identity Document.

Details of voting stations and registration procedures can be found on the IEC's website. The site is extremely user friendly and contains important information so I highly recommend you check it out.

Citizens that have voted previously do not need to register (unless they have moved locally or abroad) in which case those individuals will need to visit the site for more information.

Currently there are 23 million registered voters of which two million are first timers. In a country with a population of over 40 million these statistics are good, but we can do better.

Each vote counts, and I personally feel that if you don't vote you can't complain. Make use of your democratic rights that others in communistic countries aren't fortunate to have.

Do it for your country.

An Unprecedented Encounter Yesterday...

I was at a local petrol station having my car washed yesterday when a well dressed woman in her early forties approached me.

She asked if I was English or Afrikaans speaking, and then proceeded to ask if she could tell me something. Suspecting she was in some sort of trouble and was relying on the charity of others I hesitantly said, 'OK.'

What she said took me totally by surprise.

No, she did not need money, food or clothing.

She proceeded to tell me that her twelve year old son was diagnosed with diabetes last year, and was in such bad shape the doctors suggested he may need a pancreas transplant. But, she and her family, had prayed to God every day for her son's recovery, multiple times a day and miraculously he was healed. She continued by saying "God is alive and sitting on the throne, and people must not stop praying. If they feel despondent that others' prayers are being answered and not their own they must carry on praying because God hears everyone's prayers."

She then turned her attention to me in my personal capacity (obviously I must have looked rather miserable at the time) because she told me that God loves me, and I must pray to him regularly to tell him my troubles.

**DISCLAIMER**

Now, I know religion is a very sensitive and controversial topic but allow me to state categorically that in writing this post I am by no means out to offend Christians.

Each person is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions, and granted my beliefs don't reflect those of the next person. I do not judge others (whether Christian or otherwise) or their views, so please offer me the same courtesy.

I am not a religious person.

I believe there is a higher power, but it's not necessarily what's written in the Bible. Call me a spiritualist if you like.

As long as a person is kind, loves and is loved, gives to the less fortunate and generally conducts themselves in a manner that they would be proud of if they had to watch a video of their life, then you are a good person. In my book.

Some people are real menaces to society (beat the wife, kick the dog, drink away the kids' school fees) and they hide under the Christian blanket, and assume they are decent people solely because they attend a 45 minute service each Sunday?

No.

That is not OK, and I doubt God would think so either.

Again, I'm not judging or even generalizing as why should a few bad apples (excuse the pun) be the reason for casting shame on the genuine majority.

My issue with yesterday's encounter was not this stranger's beliefs, but rather the fact that she imparted her beliefs and views onto me.

Please, everyone has different views - don't subject another person to them unless engaged in debate. It isn't fair, and may result in a rude or abrupt response from the other party.

Life is simple. We humans complicate it.

So let's try uncomplicate it by steering clear of these potential arguments and live each day as though there's no tomorrow.

So, when are you getting married?

This is a question William and I get asked ALL the time, and to put it quite bluntly we cringe inwardly every time. We'll get married when we're ready. We're not ready now.

People ask how long we've been together, and when I respond with "coming up to six years", they get this look of horror combined with pity on their faces. I can almost hear what they're thinking.

"Shame...he doesn't want to marry her" or "she may as well move on, this relationship is a waste of time".

In all honesty, neither is true. We are just a young couple doing what we want before we get tired down to kids, a bond repayment,etc. We both love traveling, and Jane been fortunate enough to cover a good deal of Europe,Mauritius and the UK. Places we would not have been able to visit of we had a house/kids or were saving/paying for an expensive wedding (which is more stressful than pleasurable).

Sadly, finances don't allow for couples to take their kids with them on overseas holidays, so it's a judgement call really.

The choice is this: do we want to get out there, experience life and have fun or fall into line and complete the ring/house/kids routine? Or worst fear is getting to that stage of our lives and regret not enjoying our youth (and freedom if you will).

By no means am I judging those couples that have taken the plunge (some have been lucky enough to travel extensively before meeting their soulmate and selling down so power to them). To each their own. And that is what we ask in return - please respect our decision NOT to follow in their footsteps.

Sure, I may only give birth to my first child (if we even have kids - topic for another blog) when I'm a 30 something, and risk being an old mum but at least I'll know I was ready to settle down and had done what I wanted to do.

Recent studies have shown that couples that get married later in life tend to stay married longer than their eager to wed counterparts. What is a statistic at the end of the day? Some people feel compelled to slot themselves into the prerequisite categories set out for them by society, and thus end up unhappy and dissatisfied with their choices later in life.

I've ventured slightly off topic here - back to the topic at hand. So if someone asks me again when we are getting married, I'll smile and refer them to this blog post. Well, either that or respond with "We AREN'T getting married" and revel at the look of absolute shock on their faces.

Yes, we do want to get married. When we're ready.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

This past Saturday was Angie's bridal shower, and what an awesome day it was,

Jackie (Angie's sister) and Fatima (Angie's future sister-in-law) pulled out all the stops to ensure fun was had by all, and more importantly, that Ange enjoyed her last night out as a single woman.

Grapes (a well known bar and restaurant situated in Western Extension, Benoni), was the venue for the festivities and Jax & Fatima decorated the room beautifully.

Decor

Food

Fatima (bridesmaid) and Jackie (maid of honour)

The first part was of the afternoon was the Kitchen Tea. Ange was suitably dressed in an apron, and "doek" in preparation of fulfilling her role as the cook and cleaner in the Dias household. Just kidding:)

We played some games such as Bingo, match the celebrity couples, pin the cucumber on the man and roll the orange over the finish line using nothing but a banana attached to a string around your waist. As you can imagine, these games provided a good few giggles.

The second part of the day belonged to the bachelorette party, and were we in for a few surprises or what!

Whilst Ange opened her gifts, a bachelor gate crashed our party. Meaning well he probably just wanted to introduce himself and wish his fellow comrade in marriage well, but it started a chain of events that provided some...entertainment, if you will.

One of the bachelor's crew decided to do an impromptu striptease! He casually walked over to Ange and proceeded with his routine, taking off his shirt and shorts. Ange was a good sport and played along until this Chippendale wannabe faced her and started to remove his underwear. Now I don't know exactly what Ange saw, but it was enough to scare her and she ran away. Thankfully no more of the man's anatomy was revealed and he quickly gathered his clothing and left. This may have not been too bad if Ange's gran wasn't in the audience! I reckon all of us ladies had a blush on her behalf.

Later in the evening, Jenna, one of Ange's friends that does pole dancings treated us to a basic pole routine. The ladies practiced the moves where they stood before taking turns to try it out on the pole. Some ladies surprised us with how naturally they took to the pole, but others (like myself) had to basically be dragged up there. Afterwards, Jenna did a demo of one of her advanced routines and we were AMAZED. She climbed to the top and hng upside down using only her leg to hold on. It was something quite astounding and one doesn;t understand the enormity of the situation unless it is viewed first hand. Well done, Jenna, we thoroughly enjoyed your performance!

Jackie and Fatima hired a jukebox for the evening, so we ended the party off dancing till late.

Thank you so much to the ladies for such a fun afternoon, we had a ball!

Oh, and Ange - just one more song! Ha ha :)

Please Support - Santa Cause for Paws

A new charity drive was created earlier this year: Santa Cause for Paws.

How it works:

Members of the community pledge a dog (puppy)/ cat (kitten) box containing the following items:

Something warm: This could include a blanket or a jersey.

These do not have to be bought – they could even be handmade! You can even wrap your other goodies in the blanket and make that the item you hand in.

Something yum: Please include a tin or packet of food AND a treat of some sort.
For dogs, bones, dog biscuits and other brand dog treats are great! Please avoid rawhide
treats and cow hooves as these pose a risk of choking as shelter animals are not supervised at all times and bigger dogs are able to break pieces off which might cause harm. For cats, any brand of treat is ideal for our feline friends!

Something useful: Please include something that will be useful to your pledged cat or dog.
This could include a collar, tick and flea shampoo, a collar, Bob Martins, a food bowl etc.

Something fun: All animals like something to play with!
This could include a ball, cat-nip toy,
squeaky toy, etc. There are many toys available for cats and dogs, but please do avoid toys with buttons and items that can be swollowed.

Something for staff: Optional.
Please note that this is entirely optional, if you'd like to add something for a worker at the shelter, we will remove these items and place them into packs for the staff who work so tirelessly caring for all the animals whilst they wait for their forever homes. Items can include biscuits, chips, chocolates, bubble bath products, toiletries or any other item you would like to donate. You may also place a small donation of R10 into the box which we will use towards gifts and goodies for the staff members.

Completed boxes are dropped off at the specified collection points on the relevant days and thereafter distributed to the shelters.

The original pledge target was 500 boxes, but due to an overwhelming response that target has been increased to 1 500 boxes. As it stands (currently), the total is 1 024 boxes but with some increased exposure through social networking and word of mouth I have no doubt that the target will be reached shortly.

For those who do not have the time or resources to make up a box, a financial donation will also be greatly appreciated. A cat or dog pledge box can be compiled for as little as R100 each, but if that is out of one's budget, any monetary amount will be accepted.

For more information, please go to the website or "like" their Facebook page "Santa Cause for Paws".

Please support this initiative as the animals need our voices to speak on their behalf. As per the website "The greatest gift one can give is the gift of love".

An Evening Spent with the Johannesburg Philharmonic Orchestra

William has always been a fan of orchestral music and when ticket sales for the Johannesburg Philharmonic Orchestra's second season of 2013 opened, I immediately bought tickets.

The JPO is based at the Linder Auditorium, situated on the University of the Witwatersrand's education campus, and what a stunning venue it is.

Being our first time attending an concerto, we did not know what to expect but thankfully we were seated next to a young Asian guy that was a regular and kindly pointed out some rules:

1) Never talk during a piece. The shows are recorded (as was the case with last night) to later be sold on CD, so any background noise may be picked up by the huge microphones which may reduce the quality of the recording.

Ooops, William and I had discussed the conductor's animatedness during the opening number!

2) Don't eat, drink or cough during a performance.

Yes, you read right. Cough. It's listed right there in the program!

3) Be mindful of when the number has been completed as opposed to a break (our guide had the correct terminology for this but it seems to have escaped me at present). You do not want to start clapping at the most inopportune moment.

4) Don't stop clapping at the end of the performance. The conductor will leave the stage and return at least twice, and then the musicians will bow to the audience so one will need to keep the momentum going.

Yes, this does mean your hands will get sore but once you've seen an orchestra of this nature perform, they really are worthy of this applause.

I highly recommend that any classical music lover (or non classical music lover) attend a performance because it really is quite surreal to watch musicians perform with such passion for their craft.

Almost makes one want to take up the violin!

Have a great weekend, readers.

xx

The Five Love Languages

Recently a friend recommended a book to me - The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you haven't already read it, and are in a committed relationship/marriage then I would say this is one for you.

Through talking to some friends, I discovered that the above material is covered in pre-marital courses, and thus they have implemented what they'd learnt into their everyday lives. If nothing else, it has helped them understand their spouse and given them an insight into how their other half functions. No relationship is perfect, and as much as many couples don't want to admit, we all have our ups and downs. Our in love moments, and those where you want to throw the nearest object at your partner's head. 

It happens. It is normal, and it is healthy.

Granted no couple should constantly be at each others throats or storing their divorce lawyer's number on speed dial, but the occasional disagreement and exchange of words a few decibels louder than Gordon Ramsay on a bad day is normal.

Basically, Gary Chapman has discovered five categories of people and after taking the survey on the website, a person is matched to their love language. The five languages are:

                                              Words of Affirmation
                                                    Quality Time
                                                         Gifts
                                              Physical Touch; and
                                                Acts of Service.

William and I took the survey and found out that we fall into the Words of Affirmation and Quality Time categories respectively. Having read the book and carried out some internet research, it now seems obvious that we behave the way we do and get offended when the other doesn't "get" us. It makes sense. 

William prefers to hear words of encouragement and praise as a symbol of my love for him, whilst I prefer spending time with him. Doing anything really. Taking a trip together, going to dinner and a movie, and just generally being in each others company. But don't get me wrong, him watching TV while I am trying to have a conversation with him does not count. I need his undivided attention. Want to rev me up? Fine - just play on your cell phone while I'm asking about your day. Nothing stirs up my inner tiger more than a person being physically but not mentally present. 

Because our love languages are different (and it is apparently extremely rare that two parties to a relationship share the same love language) we expect more from the other but don't really want to sacrifice our personal love language to please our partner. 

The friend that recommended the book to me is in the exact same situation as I am. Her husband is also a words of affirmation guy, and she was saying how hard she is finding it trying to converse with him in his native language. Not normally a vocal appreciation girl, she is making a conscious effort to remember to compliment him on that new shirt he is wearing. The book lists a few guidelines on how to boost a WoA person's ego, but at the end of the day the compliment has to be an honest reflection of how the spouse feels.Saying it without meaning it is pointless.

This brings me to the other condition: tone. Saying 'Wow, that colour looks amazing on you!' in an appreciative manner is very different to a non committal tone, and instantly your partner knows the compliment is forced or untrue. I suffer from word vomit. Seriously. Words leave my mouth in an unfiltered, thoughtless manner which often causes me to regret them the instant I've spoken them. I say exactly what is on my mind without considering the impact they have on the recipient. It is wrong and something I need to work on. I have been careless in the past and hurt William, which was unintentional, but nevertheless unacceptable. By the same token, I hope that William will learn my love language and begin to interact with me in that manner.

Each party to a relationship is guilty, and I'll say it again, no-one is perfect. We all need to reign ourselves in, stop, and think about how our words and actions affect others. Learn their love language. Meet them halfway.

Having read the book, I highly recommend it to others. Go to the website and take the survey, I guarantee it'll open your mind to a new adventure.

Friends that have already discovered your love languages: what categories do you and your partner fall into? And how did you go about interacting once finding out? I'd love to hear your stories!

The Weekend That Was

Morning readers!

Wow, can you believe we are now in October (or Rocktober or even Ocsober as it is known to some) - the end of the year is fast approaching! Time to start making those Christmas and holiday plans (if you haven't already) and definitely time to start Christmas shopping. There's nothing worse than fighting the hoards of last minute shoppers in the malls come the last week before Christmas!

Back to the present day though. October is going to be a very festive month for us. This coming weekend is Angie's bachelorette party, next weekend is Roger's bachelors and we're ending off the month with their wedding. Absolutely cannot wait!

This past weekend I attended Ryan's Gatsby themed 30th birthday party with Angie at the Skye Bar in Sandton, and let me say that the views from this venue are absolutely breathtaking. The twinkling lights of the surrounding suburbs and skyscrapers lend an almost other-wordly vibe to guests as we stared out over the balcony. Amazing. Guests really went the extra mile in dressing in period appropriate attire, and Jenna (Ryan's wife) outdid herself with the decor and entertainment. There was a photo booth, a Murder Mystery Game and even some gambling. Thank you Jenna & Ryan, we had such fun!

Here are some pictures from the evening:

On Sunday, William and I were invited to a Portuguese braai by Colleen & Fernando. The weather was absolutely beautiful and we soaked up the sun while relaxing around the pool. Fernando may consider himself a top notch chef as the steak was done to perfection, using the traditional method of bay leaf branches as skewers. It was a fantastic opportunity to meet new people and take advantage of summer. Thank you Col & Fernando, you are excellent hosts and we felt so welcome and comfortable in your company.

Unfortunately I didn't take my camera with on Sunday, but am sure Colleen will post some photographs shortly. Keep an eye on my Facebook page:)

Until next time
xxx