Suicide - It Can Be Prevented

An incident occured in our suburb last weekend which prompted me to write this post.

A resident was threatening to commit suicide. Luckily, someone had the presence of mind to call in the professionals, and a chaplain was able to talk to convince him/her not to go through with the act. The person required hospitalisation, but will be receiving the treatment he/she desperately needs,

Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.

Sadly it is at this time of year where suicides are more prevalent. Christmas is approaching, and so is the financial burden that goes with it. Whilst not all cases are finance related, some people are lonely and will go to any means necessary not to spend the festive season alone.

According to the International Association for Suicide Prevention, the top five negative life experiences that may cause depression are as follows:

* The death of a loved one

* Divorce, separation or break up from a spouse/life partner

* Serious/terminal illness

* Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)

* Alcohol and drug abuse

Statistics

There are 23 suicides per day in South Africa.

230 attempted suicides per day.

One million people commit suicide annually.

This figure is expected to increase to 1.53 million by 2020.

One in five people suffer from some form of mental illness.

South Africa is ranked 8th highest in the world for suicide.

Having been personally affected by suicide (my dad took his life when I was three years old), I feel passionately about the subject. I also get angry when it is considered an "embarrrasment", and then a secret. There is nothing to be ashamed of! The fact that suicide is one of those topics that doesn't get much airplay is partly the reason the statistics are so high.

People suffer from depression. Sometimes it may seem like there is no solution to the problem. Maybe he/she hasn't considered asking for help.

One thing I do know is not enough awareness surrounds suicide. World Suicide Prevention Day is commemorated annually on the 10th of September. Lifeline encourages people with suicidal thoughts to contact them through their various communication channels. But what about a day-to-day basis?

Shouldn't this be something that is taught in schools? During Guidance lessons, or life orientation perhaps? Likewise for adults - shouldn't the Human Resources manager promote therapy to staff and make the info readily available?

Yes, I realise people live with many of their own problems and a highly visible suicide prevention demonstartion may take their happiness meter down a notch or two, but unfortunately that is life and we need to deal with these hurdles. Instead of burying our heads in the sand, we need to confront the situation. This way we can help people in time.

According to a report prepared by The University of Cape Town, the following are warning signs of suicide:

* Talking or joking about suicide

* Self criticization or minimization

* Changes in personality

* Loss of interest in appearance/hygiene

* Risk taking dangerous behavior

* Excessive feelings of guilt

If you suspect a colleague/friend/family member may be depressed, don't ignore your gut feel. Approach them, maybe that person is counting on someone to rescue them. What kind of people would we be to ignore our fellow man's suffering? The South African Depression and Anxiety Group has the following tips:

Be direct.

Talk openly and matter of factly about suicide.

Be willing to listen.

Allow expression of feelings.

Accept these feelings.

Imagine reaching such a low point in your life where you truly believe you are responsible for  everything that has gone wrong and there is no solution. No way out.

But there is. There is always a solution to every problem. The key is to seek help.

I (my two half sisters, their mom, and my own mom) miss my dad terribly. There s not one day that goes by where he doesn't cross our minds. Or a special occasion where we think "We wish our dad was here". Yes, he is missing out on some really great stuff, and the fact that we he won't be able to give his three daughters away at their weddings, or watch his grandchildren grow up, is sad. These are the consequences of his actions that we all have to deal with. My dad was depressed. He'd been a Sergeant Major in the South African Army, and had not had an easy childhood. But he was too proud to seek help. And this was his biggest mistake.

Prevent the action before it happens. Seek help.

Contacts and references

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group - www.sadag.org.za

Lifeline - www.lifeline.org.za

International Association for Suicide Prevention - www.iasp.info

Suicide Prevention, Awareness & Support - www.suicide.org.

Be Unique... Just Like Everyone Else

It has been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but why wouldn't one want to be an original in a world full of copies?

From the day we are brought into this world, we make choices that affect our journey in life. We develop personalities, have differing fashion senses, and discover our likes and dislikes. No two human beings are the same - revel in it!

We are the captains of our fate, and the masters of our destiny.

I, for one, cannot handle when parents dress their children identically. Yes, OK, if they are twins or identical twins it may be slightly more acceptable, but the fact remains that those children will never be exactly like their brother or sister. They have their own opinions, own dreams, own fears, etc. So WHY would they want to dress the same? Let them be their own people.

We only live once, so make the most of it. Stop worrying about what others think of you and just do it. At the end of the day - when you look back on your life - you will be proud.

There is nothing more expensive than regrets.

Happy Friday, readers!

** As a side note, if any readers have comments on my posts (whether in agreement or disagreement), please comment here (beneath this post) instead of sharing a link with your comment. I want to see you be brave... **

Angie & Roger tie the Knot

On a happier note, my good friend, Angelique Jooste recently became a Mrs when she married Roger Dias.

Angie & Roger met three years ago at a work social, and got engaged last October. The wedding date was set as the one year anniversary of their engagement, being the 26th.

The venue, Soli Deo Gloria Boutique Hotel, is situated in Northriding, Johannesburg. 

The ceremony took place in the hotel's beautiful garden, and thankfully the weather held out. There were a few ominous clouds that threatened to move the vows indoors, but by the time the ceremony began the sun shone beautifully in the afternoon sky.

The maid of honour, Jackie and bridesmaid Fatima, wore beautiful plum sweetheart cocktail dresses and Angie wore a stunning mermaid style dress with beading on the bodice. I doubt there was a dry eye in the house when the father of the bride shook Roger's hand and presented his daughter to the groom.

The service was conducted by an Irish priest, and comprised a good deal of humour which the congregation enjoyed.

Instead of having a ring bearer, the rings were transported down the aisle in a different manner...

The reception followed in the evening, and what an amazing job Angie and the decor team did. The colour scheme was purple and red and whilst one may think these colours would normally clash, they actually complimented one another and produced a breathtaking sight.

The cake (and some of the decor) was centred around the couple's love of nature and the "guestbook" was wood from a tree trunk. The cake was a beautiful three tier (chocolate, vanilla and fruit cake) and the toppers were monkeys. Anyone that knows the couple is aware that they affectionately call each other macaco (monkey in Portuguese).

Later in the evening, the DJ announced that the cake toppers had been taken and kindly asked whoever had taken them to please return them. Roger's mom, Emilia, later explained that the stealing of the cake toppers is a Portuguese tradition, and whoever takes them must return them to the married couple on their first wedding anniversary and take the couple for lunch/dinner. Fascinating!

Once the speeches and formalities were finished, Roger & Angie opened the dance floor with more than the usual one-two-shuffle they told us to expect (nice one guys). Rather the newlyweds did twirls and dips and looked so happy and at ease. 

What a lovely wedding it was, one that the guests will remember for years to come.

Wishing the new Mr & Mrs Roger Dias a lifetime of happiness and love.

Disappointment

Of all the emotions, this one hurts the heart the most.

It's not like anger which is a superficial emotion, similar to a hurricane that loses velocity over time. No, this is worse than anger

It hurts. It burns. 

Mostly because it was a shock to the system I believe. 

One wasn't expecting to feel this way. Maybe because we believed that the outcome that would trigger this emotion would never occur. We willed it not to. We hoped. We were so focused on the end goal not willing to accept anything less than the desired result.

But life doesn't work that way. Neither does human nature. So we are forced to experience disappointment in its purest form. It's that ball of cement in your stomach that makes a person feel physically ill. Sadness, disappointment's friend, also features here. Once the initial shock wears off, we are left unhappy, and possibly a tiny bit vengeful towards the person that caused us to feel this way. We want to hurt them like they hurt us so they know what it feels like.

You see, disappointment is the gateway to the other (more negative) emotions.

At some point though, we have to pick up the shattered pieces and go on with life. As much as we are hurting, we cannot let it oppress us else we'll never move forward. We need to, for our sakes as well as the offending party's. Be mad, be disappointed, be every kind of emotion, because you are entitled to feel like that. Then we need to accept the problem and figure out an acceptable solution. Time is a key factor. No-one is able to forgive and forget in mere hours. Eventually it hurts less and less.

Thereafter, the emotional gauntlet has been run, and life returns to a semblance of normality.

If you're wondering what brought on this post, my mom (who quit smoking 6 months ago) started again. 

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Do your bit and VOTE!

So, it's almost that time again. Next year South African citizenss will be returning to the polls to cast their vote in the 2014 National & Provincial Elections.

More importantly, this coming weekend (9th & 10th November) is the voter registration weekend.

If you have not voted previously (due to being underage or just disinterested) now is your chance to visit a voting station and register. All you need to take with you is your South African green barcoded Identity Document.

Details of voting stations and registration procedures can be found on the IEC's website. The site is extremely user friendly and contains important information so I highly recommend you check it out.

Citizens that have voted previously do not need to register (unless they have moved locally or abroad) in which case those individuals will need to visit the site for more information.

Currently there are 23 million registered voters of which two million are first timers. In a country with a population of over 40 million these statistics are good, but we can do better.

Each vote counts, and I personally feel that if you don't vote you can't complain. Make use of your democratic rights that others in communistic countries aren't fortunate to have.

Do it for your country.

An Unprecedented Encounter Yesterday...

I was at a local petrol station having my car washed yesterday when a well dressed woman in her early forties approached me.

She asked if I was English or Afrikaans speaking, and then proceeded to ask if she could tell me something. Suspecting she was in some sort of trouble and was relying on the charity of others I hesitantly said, 'OK.'

What she said took me totally by surprise.

No, she did not need money, food or clothing.

She proceeded to tell me that her twelve year old son was diagnosed with diabetes last year, and was in such bad shape the doctors suggested he may need a pancreas transplant. But, she and her family, had prayed to God every day for her son's recovery, multiple times a day and miraculously he was healed. She continued by saying "God is alive and sitting on the throne, and people must not stop praying. If they feel despondent that others' prayers are being answered and not their own they must carry on praying because God hears everyone's prayers."

She then turned her attention to me in my personal capacity (obviously I must have looked rather miserable at the time) because she told me that God loves me, and I must pray to him regularly to tell him my troubles.

**DISCLAIMER**

Now, I know religion is a very sensitive and controversial topic but allow me to state categorically that in writing this post I am by no means out to offend Christians.

Each person is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions, and granted my beliefs don't reflect those of the next person. I do not judge others (whether Christian or otherwise) or their views, so please offer me the same courtesy.

I am not a religious person.

I believe there is a higher power, but it's not necessarily what's written in the Bible. Call me a spiritualist if you like.

As long as a person is kind, loves and is loved, gives to the less fortunate and generally conducts themselves in a manner that they would be proud of if they had to watch a video of their life, then you are a good person. In my book.

Some people are real menaces to society (beat the wife, kick the dog, drink away the kids' school fees) and they hide under the Christian blanket, and assume they are decent people solely because they attend a 45 minute service each Sunday?

No.

That is not OK, and I doubt God would think so either.

Again, I'm not judging or even generalizing as why should a few bad apples (excuse the pun) be the reason for casting shame on the genuine majority.

My issue with yesterday's encounter was not this stranger's beliefs, but rather the fact that she imparted her beliefs and views onto me.

Please, everyone has different views - don't subject another person to them unless engaged in debate. It isn't fair, and may result in a rude or abrupt response from the other party.

Life is simple. We humans complicate it.

So let's try uncomplicate it by steering clear of these potential arguments and live each day as though there's no tomorrow.

So, when are you getting married?

This is a question William and I get asked ALL the time, and to put it quite bluntly we cringe inwardly every time. We'll get married when we're ready. We're not ready now.

People ask how long we've been together, and when I respond with "coming up to six years", they get this look of horror combined with pity on their faces. I can almost hear what they're thinking.

"Shame...he doesn't want to marry her" or "she may as well move on, this relationship is a waste of time".

In all honesty, neither is true. We are just a young couple doing what we want before we get tired down to kids, a bond repayment,etc. We both love traveling, and Jane been fortunate enough to cover a good deal of Europe,Mauritius and the UK. Places we would not have been able to visit of we had a house/kids or were saving/paying for an expensive wedding (which is more stressful than pleasurable).

Sadly, finances don't allow for couples to take their kids with them on overseas holidays, so it's a judgement call really.

The choice is this: do we want to get out there, experience life and have fun or fall into line and complete the ring/house/kids routine? Or worst fear is getting to that stage of our lives and regret not enjoying our youth (and freedom if you will).

By no means am I judging those couples that have taken the plunge (some have been lucky enough to travel extensively before meeting their soulmate and selling down so power to them). To each their own. And that is what we ask in return - please respect our decision NOT to follow in their footsteps.

Sure, I may only give birth to my first child (if we even have kids - topic for another blog) when I'm a 30 something, and risk being an old mum but at least I'll know I was ready to settle down and had done what I wanted to do.

Recent studies have shown that couples that get married later in life tend to stay married longer than their eager to wed counterparts. What is a statistic at the end of the day? Some people feel compelled to slot themselves into the prerequisite categories set out for them by society, and thus end up unhappy and dissatisfied with their choices later in life.

I've ventured slightly off topic here - back to the topic at hand. So if someone asks me again when we are getting married, I'll smile and refer them to this blog post. Well, either that or respond with "We AREN'T getting married" and revel at the look of absolute shock on their faces.

Yes, we do want to get married. When we're ready.