Grief and Maintaining Equilibrium

As readers of my previous post know, our fur child Salem passed onto the next realm last week. At risk of sounding like a crazy cat lady (and people are welcome to think this), William and I are still mourning her.

The initial shock of her premature passing has made way for heart wrenching sorrow, and the thought of life without her becomes too much to bear at times. What some don't understand is that our cats are our children. They have personalities and we consider them our family members. Other people talk about their children and show photographs at social gatherings.We do the same - with our cats.

Colleen sent me this message on Monday night, and at the time it brought on a fresh round of tears at the realization yet again of her absence, today I read it again and it brought some comfort.

I stood at your bedside last night, I came to have a peep.

I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.

"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.

You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.

I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.

I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your key.

I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me".

You looked so very tired and sank into a chair.

I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday.

To say to you with certainty "I never went away".

You sat there very quietly, then smiled. 

I think you knew in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over, I smile and watch you yawning.

I say "Good night, I'll see you in the morning"

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,

I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, then come home to be with me.

Courtney shared this picture with us, and like the passage above, it reminded us that our loved ones are only gone from sight. Their spirits remain with us.

Thank you to everyone that has sent us messages of support over the past few days - we are so grateful to you all.

The universe needs equilibrium. What goes up must come down. Yin and yang. 2014 had been going so well for us, we were thrilled. I'd managed to tick off two of my goals for the year in less than six months, and the prospects for the remainder of the year were bright. There was/is so much to look forward to. However, with every action is an equal and opposite reaction.

This had occurred to me recently, but I'd brushed the thought aside. Something wasn't right but I didn't entertain the notion. It never crossed our minds that such an event would happen, throwing the world as we knew it, into total disarray.

Good with the bad. It wouldn't be life if things ran smoothly.

If things aren't going well, don't give up hope. Something good is on the horizon. Hang in there.

On the other side of the coin, nothing can go well all of the time. I realize this may sound pessimistic, but we do need to be realists.

Salem's untimely passing has taught me a valuable lesson. Don't take anything for granted. Tell your family member/friend/cousin/colleague and fur child that you love them. One never knows when that person/pet will no longer be with us.

I regret not taking more photographs, and have made this me mission in life. If you thought I was annoying with my camera before - just wait! At the end of the day, that is all we have left of our loved ones.

So adjust your hair and neaten your outfit, then SMILE for the camera. These are the memories we'll keep forever.

Goodbye, Salem

Salem, named after the town where the witch trials of 1692 were held because she was black and therefore a witch's cat, went missing yesterday morning. We searched the surrounding area, calling her name, asking fellow neighbours if they'd seen her and even printing flyers to put in postboxes. It has been 36 hours of hell.This evening we received a phone call from a neighbour to say that he was very sorry but he'd found Salem's little body in his backyard yesterday and he had subsequently buried her.

While we are grateful for the closure, and the forfeiture of wondering where she was each day, if she cold or had enough to eat, the news came as a blow. Everyone has hope that the worst possible outcome may not be the actual outcome. We are devastated, and I hope this pain eases over the coming days. Our cats are our children.

We adopted Salem from the SPCA in March 2012. She was already 5 months old then, and because she was not the cutesy kitten anymore, people overlooked her and went for a younger kitten. We adopted Ninja at the same time so they would have each other for company, and we can easily say they had the sibling relationship of humans. They fought and bit each other, but let the other cats know that only they were allowed to interact with each other in that manner. They protected, loved and slept next to each other. Where one was the other was not far away. Salem and I formed a special bond during the two years I was at home. She became an extension of my shadow, and we'd spend hours together. I would study and she would sleep on my lap. When I returned to work this year, I missed her during business hours but always looked forward to going home and seeing her.

William and I joked that Salem was a new spirit to the world, in that she found everything so fascinating. From the birds, to the trees to toys to chasing the other cats - she was full of life and happiness. She could also be a real madam at times, when she sat on the coffee table and swatted any other cat that happened to pass by. These were her "Queen Bee" traits.

Salem - we are going to miss you terribly but know that you will always be in our hearts. Our time together was too short, but I am thankful that we had time at all. Some of our fondest memories of you include the following:

• Drinking water straight from the bathroom tap (trying to get the right water pressure was a task in itself);
• Kneading my gown, and purring so much you would almost throw up;
• Digging in my make up box to fish out my hair elastics which would then lay strewn throughout the house;
• Demanding belly rubs by laying face up on whatever surface was in front of me; and
• How affectionate you were. You would rub yourself along the walls, doors and anything else you could find, purring all the while.

Go well our feline family member, thank you for the memories.

xxx

After some milk

With her brother, Ninja

In the snow, August 2012

Queen Bee moment

5 Things Thursday - Exams are Over & There's so Much to Look Forward to

So the exam of my life is over, and whilst I'm experiencing the elation that only a fellow student released from his/her academic duties can understand, I also feel worried. Extremely worried.

Did I do enough to pass? Last night I barely slept. Thoughts of items I'd forgotten to include, and mathematical errors I'd made constantly entered my mind. There's nothing I can do about it now, so while I hear you think aloud that I should put it to the recess of my consciousness (how badly I want to do that) - as much as I've told myself this and tried - it does not work. Doubt creeps in and the stress starts all over again.

The curse of a student.

To make matters worse, results will only be released in approximately six weeks.

In an attempt to be positive, last night I thought of all the wonderful things that I can do now that I have a break from studying. They are:

1) Having more than a one day weekend. Attending lectures at Edge Business School each Saturday from 8am - 5pm (on a conservative day - some weeks ran until 9pm) meant that I only had Sunday to do all my errands, grocery shopping, free time to see friends, etc. My mom was so helpful during these past three months, cooking dinners for us and doing my weekly shopping - thank you so much mom. Had I not been working the lack of weekend would not normally affect me, and it dawned on me how fortunate I was to have had that opportunity of free time last year.

2) Reading books and not my study guide. I love reading. Non-fiction crime thrillers are my favorite. Best author is James Patterson hands down. Diversity is the spice of life as they say, so I will be looking for new genres to read in the forthcoming six months. Any suggestions?

3) Spending more time with my friends. I only saw my friends a handful of times during this semester. I rarely visited for more than an hour or two, and due to chores associated with running a household, my chats over BBM were short, and more often than not ended in "I have to finish my assignment" or "I need to do my homework for Saturday's lecture". Thank you friends for being patient and supportive during this rather crazy time. I look forward to making up lost time with you in the coming weeks.

4) Now that I am earning my own money again, I want to see and do everything. Try new things. And spoil myself. Buy myself clothing or perfume or whatever catches my eye, and feel like I have well and truly earned it. 

5) My goal for the second half of the year is to challenge myself. Possibly take a photography course or learn a foreign language. Spanish and Italian have always appealed to me. Leaning towards Spanish as it is spoken in more countries worldwide. 

There is so much to look forward to because life is beautiful, and it feels like it has only just begun for me.

Elections 2014

Today, May 7, South Africans go to the polls in our fifth democratic election.

Being the 20th anniversary of freedom, a lot of hype has surrounded the event and political parties have all tried to outdo each other in the hopes of winning the majority vote.

Today has been declared a public holiday to allow all working class South Africans the opportunity to vote, and stations are open from 7am - 9pm. I believe in voting, and encourage everyone that is 18 years and older to cast their ballot.

Too many people feel that their vote doesn't make a difference, but what they don't realize is when all of those "one votes" are added together they DO make a difference. The difference between a majority vote and a minority vote. We have the power to change our country, but it requires us to get up off our bums and do something about it. Unfortunately the culture is to complain but not take any action. I also feel that those that did not vote, yet still took the day off work, should have a day's leave deducted from them. That may seem harsh, but why should someone have a day off for not carrying out the purpose it was created for?

Many of my expat friends made a concerted effort to vote in the election. They voted on the 30th of April, and most had to travel far to their nearest voting station (a clever ploy by the government to deter voters in my personal opinion). This was done at their own cost, and they had to take a day's leave from work. That is dedication and very admirable. Well done guys, you have my respect. For example, Nadia lives in Zurich, Switzerland, and after writing an exam in the morning, she and her husband travelled to Bern to vote. Briony lives in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and flew to Bangkok just to cast her ballot.

To those that I have not acknowledged, please accept my apologies. I am eternally grateful to you as you have set the example for the rest of us.

It took my mom and I 1 hour 45 minutes to vote. We arrived at our voting station just before 10am and although the queue moved slowly, it did move and once our ID's were scanned the process sped up. Approximately 260 people voted per hour at our voting station.

If you have not yet voted, or did not intend voting and have since changed your mind, the voting stations are still open for another 6 hours. Remember, no vote = no complaining.

Your vote is your voice.

Bill's new haircut

Mom and I standing in the queue

The queue when we arrived

Blackened thumbs later

The Problem With... Debt

The average person cannot go through life without being indebted to a financial institution at some stage.

Be it buying a car, a house, clothes from Edgars or even that new gadget on your credit card, we have all experienced being a debtor to someone else.

Not all debt is bad, and if managed properly it can work for you. Having a good credit rating is important. Having a credit rating in totality? Imperative.

According to Transunion and the statistics released for the first quarter of 2014, consumers could not meet their obligations. This is extremely worrying. Not paying month 2's installment results in the balance outstanding attracting interest, and therefore interest being charged on interest when month 3 isn't paid. Once in this spiral of destruction it is hard to get out. 

In my personal opinion, not enough education is provided on the subject of debt and credit. Some understand credit as 'free money' and once the financial services providers see the individual spending (beyond his or her means) they offer MORE credit. I blame the providers. They are giving the individual the spade to dig his or her own credit grave and playing on the consumer's ignorance.

Our domestic worker recently got herself into a difficult situation by running up an almost R5 000 Rand bill at an upmarket clothing store. She was unable to meet the monthly repayments, and when I confronted her about the numerous phone calls from the store, she admitted that she'd gotten herself into trouble. We made a plan to withdraw some funds from a policy we have set up for her retirement to release her from her obligations, but not without explaining the credit concept and how dangerous it can be. 

Last month I paid off all of my outstanding debts. I did not have many, but the repayments each month were cutting into my disposable income. I decided to take control of the situation and paid every cent I owed. Wow, what a feeling of relief! My car isn't under a finance lease, but I have considered trading it in and getting something that's a bit more fuel economical (my consumption rivals that of an SUV). Is spending a few thousand more each month to pay off a new car really smarter than just footing my sub R1 000 fuel bill? No. I'd rather not get a new car. Besides, those repayments could go towards our next overseas holiday.

Read up on credit. Educate yourself. There are many credit bureaus in South Africa that are able to give you sound financial advice in order to proactively reduce your debt. Don't be too proud to ask for help.

I Confess

I have a confession to make. A few, actually.

1. I am a comfort eater. Yes, when the going gets tough I make a bee line for the cupboard. The sweet cupboard. Not being a fan of crisps, my poison is biscuits and chocolate. Once the packaging is open there is no telling where I might stop, if I even do before reaching the bottom of the packet, or the last rows of the slab. I function almost on auto pilot, and automatically my hand keeps reaching for more in an almost robotic fashion. My mind is blank during these times, my only concern is the next mouthful of whatever it is that will make me feel better. The operative word being 'feel'.  Realistically there is no way a box of Oreos or a slab of Cadbury's will change the cause of my comfort eating, nor do I expect it to, but in that instant I feel the weight lift off my shoulders. I am able to forget about my troubles and focus on something good. It is probably equivalent to smoking or drinking for other people. If only chomping on a carrot or slice of cucumber yielded the same result in terms of satisfaction, my waistline would be eternally grateful.

2. I hate being called 'Sim'. Something about this nickname just makes me want to climb the walls. Be it the connection to a cell phone Sim card, or the hugely popular PC game 'The Sims', or even an abbreviation for 'simulation' (recall the movie Simone which was a conjunction of 'simulation one'). I'd prefer people rather call me by my full name instead of Sim. Having said that I can probably expect everyone to call me Sim simply because I've admitted it irritates me, and that's OK. No offence intended toward those that have called me this in the past, you were not aware and therefore I bare you no ill well. Do it again now though, and we're going to have to talk. Just playing!

3. I am a huge germ phobe. I clean my phone and laptop with alcohol swabs on a regular basis. This is largely unfair of me and I accept that, but I don't like people touching the items mentioned above, and yes I will wipe them down afterwards. I almost cringe when one of the IT people at work need to carry out some task on my laptop. Being two of a person's most essential tools, I see it as an invasion of my privacy. Overkill? Yes. Am I being unreasonable? Most definitely. 

Confessions are supposed to relieve the burdens we carry around, and even if no-one reads/hears them, the act of admitting those home truths is enough.