I NEED help

These are difficult words for me to say, but the time has come and I am forced to say them.

I do not abuse drugs or alcohol, nor am I depressed.

My problem is of an academic nature, and I need help.

I have failed the last remaining subject of my Bachelors degree for the umpteenth time and I am desperate. This one subject is holding me back from progressing to my postgraduate degree, and after failing so many times, my self confidence has taken a huge knock. I do not believe I am a stupid person, and I work hard so therefore my problem must be that I don't understand the fundamentals of this subject.

I have received numerous (generous) offers of help, from colleagues, lecturers and friends whom I have all turned down.

Why, you ask?

Simple. I am too proud. I would rather push through on my own than accept an offer of help. This is one of my major flaws and has been for a long time. An instance I remember well is one day I was swimming in the sea, and misjudged the current. It was strong, and began pulling me out. Despite being a fairly strong swimmer I was in trouble. A lifeguard noticed me battling, and swam out with his can to rescue me. When he approached me I said I was fine and did not need his help. I was embarrassed but felt the situation would have been even worse had he brought me ashore. He continued swimming out but kept me in sight. Determined to prove that I didn't his help, my strength was renewed and after much effort I managed to get back to safety.

Now, like that day at the beach, I have been pulled further and further from graduation and now is the time I accept the proverbial lifeguard's help. People must think I enjoy failing because I do it so often.

Thank you to everybody that has supported me throughout, and to those that have offered their assistance. I WILL be taking you up on your offers in the near future.

Pride sufficiently swallowed.

Suicide - It Can Be Prevented

An incident occured in our suburb last weekend which prompted me to write this post.

A resident was threatening to commit suicide. Luckily, someone had the presence of mind to call in the professionals, and a chaplain was able to talk to convince him/her not to go through with the act. The person required hospitalisation, but will be receiving the treatment he/she desperately needs,

Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.

Sadly it is at this time of year where suicides are more prevalent. Christmas is approaching, and so is the financial burden that goes with it. Whilst not all cases are finance related, some people are lonely and will go to any means necessary not to spend the festive season alone.

According to the International Association for Suicide Prevention, the top five negative life experiences that may cause depression are as follows:

* The death of a loved one

* Divorce, separation or break up from a spouse/life partner

* Serious/terminal illness

* Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)

* Alcohol and drug abuse

Statistics

There are 23 suicides per day in South Africa.

230 attempted suicides per day.

One million people commit suicide annually.

This figure is expected to increase to 1.53 million by 2020.

One in five people suffer from some form of mental illness.

South Africa is ranked 8th highest in the world for suicide.

Having been personally affected by suicide (my dad took his life when I was three years old), I feel passionately about the subject. I also get angry when it is considered an "embarrrasment", and then a secret. There is nothing to be ashamed of! The fact that suicide is one of those topics that doesn't get much airplay is partly the reason the statistics are so high.

People suffer from depression. Sometimes it may seem like there is no solution to the problem. Maybe he/she hasn't considered asking for help.

One thing I do know is not enough awareness surrounds suicide. World Suicide Prevention Day is commemorated annually on the 10th of September. Lifeline encourages people with suicidal thoughts to contact them through their various communication channels. But what about a day-to-day basis?

Shouldn't this be something that is taught in schools? During Guidance lessons, or life orientation perhaps? Likewise for adults - shouldn't the Human Resources manager promote therapy to staff and make the info readily available?

Yes, I realise people live with many of their own problems and a highly visible suicide prevention demonstartion may take their happiness meter down a notch or two, but unfortunately that is life and we need to deal with these hurdles. Instead of burying our heads in the sand, we need to confront the situation. This way we can help people in time.

According to a report prepared by The University of Cape Town, the following are warning signs of suicide:

* Talking or joking about suicide

* Self criticization or minimization

* Changes in personality

* Loss of interest in appearance/hygiene

* Risk taking dangerous behavior

* Excessive feelings of guilt

If you suspect a colleague/friend/family member may be depressed, don't ignore your gut feel. Approach them, maybe that person is counting on someone to rescue them. What kind of people would we be to ignore our fellow man's suffering? The South African Depression and Anxiety Group has the following tips:

Be direct.

Talk openly and matter of factly about suicide.

Be willing to listen.

Allow expression of feelings.

Accept these feelings.

Imagine reaching such a low point in your life where you truly believe you are responsible for  everything that has gone wrong and there is no solution. No way out.

But there is. There is always a solution to every problem. The key is to seek help.

I (my two half sisters, their mom, and my own mom) miss my dad terribly. There s not one day that goes by where he doesn't cross our minds. Or a special occasion where we think "We wish our dad was here". Yes, he is missing out on some really great stuff, and the fact that we he won't be able to give his three daughters away at their weddings, or watch his grandchildren grow up, is sad. These are the consequences of his actions that we all have to deal with. My dad was depressed. He'd been a Sergeant Major in the South African Army, and had not had an easy childhood. But he was too proud to seek help. And this was his biggest mistake.

Prevent the action before it happens. Seek help.

Contacts and references

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group - www.sadag.org.za

Lifeline - www.lifeline.org.za

International Association for Suicide Prevention - www.iasp.info

Suicide Prevention, Awareness & Support - www.suicide.org.

Please Support - Santa Cause for Paws

A new charity drive was created earlier this year: Santa Cause for Paws.

How it works:

Members of the community pledge a dog (puppy)/ cat (kitten) box containing the following items:

Something warm: This could include a blanket or a jersey.

These do not have to be bought – they could even be handmade! You can even wrap your other goodies in the blanket and make that the item you hand in.

Something yum: Please include a tin or packet of food AND a treat of some sort.
For dogs, bones, dog biscuits and other brand dog treats are great! Please avoid rawhide
treats and cow hooves as these pose a risk of choking as shelter animals are not supervised at all times and bigger dogs are able to break pieces off which might cause harm. For cats, any brand of treat is ideal for our feline friends!

Something useful: Please include something that will be useful to your pledged cat or dog.
This could include a collar, tick and flea shampoo, a collar, Bob Martins, a food bowl etc.

Something fun: All animals like something to play with!
This could include a ball, cat-nip toy,
squeaky toy, etc. There are many toys available for cats and dogs, but please do avoid toys with buttons and items that can be swollowed.

Something for staff: Optional.
Please note that this is entirely optional, if you'd like to add something for a worker at the shelter, we will remove these items and place them into packs for the staff who work so tirelessly caring for all the animals whilst they wait for their forever homes. Items can include biscuits, chips, chocolates, bubble bath products, toiletries or any other item you would like to donate. You may also place a small donation of R10 into the box which we will use towards gifts and goodies for the staff members.

Completed boxes are dropped off at the specified collection points on the relevant days and thereafter distributed to the shelters.

The original pledge target was 500 boxes, but due to an overwhelming response that target has been increased to 1 500 boxes. As it stands (currently), the total is 1 024 boxes but with some increased exposure through social networking and word of mouth I have no doubt that the target will be reached shortly.

For those who do not have the time or resources to make up a box, a financial donation will also be greatly appreciated. A cat or dog pledge box can be compiled for as little as R100 each, but if that is out of one's budget, any monetary amount will be accepted.

For more information, please go to the website or "like" their Facebook page "Santa Cause for Paws".

Please support this initiative as the animals need our voices to speak on their behalf. As per the website "The greatest gift one can give is the gift of love".

Stranded... Well, maybe just a little

Stranded.

Yep, that is pretty much what I was this afternoon in Randburg. Black Betty's (as I affectionately refer to my car) battery warning light was illuminated for most of the trip from Boksburg to the North, but having experienced the same problem earlier this year, I thought nothing of it and intended to jiggle some wires around (as had worked previously) once I arrived at my destination.

After fiddling around for a few minutes, I tried to start the car again. No luck. So I phoned the GWM dealership I bought Black Betty from and spoke to the service consultant. He advised me to unclip the red cable leading from the positive terminal of the battery and clip it back in, but warned me this would be no easy feat. I tried, and I tried and I tried. Eventually a good Samaritan noticed my troubles and offered to help. After Steven tried a couple of times to no avail, I called roadside assistance (AKA the AA of SA).

The call centre agent was fantastic, and efficiently captured all my contact and vehicle information, all the while ensuring that I was safe and did not need protective assistance which they also offer. Fortunately, I was in a car park at a conference centre and not out on Jan Smuts Road in peak hour traffic. The AA dispatched a technician who promptly arrived and carried out a battery of tests (excuse the pun). Turns out it wasn't the battery as initially thought, but rather the alternator. Now from my limited knowledge of cars and their inner workings, what I understood the problem to be was that the alternator was not charging the battery which explains why the car was losing power. Tebogo contacted the dispatch operator and organised for a flat bed to collect my car and take her back to their depot to sleep over. In the morning Black Betty would be delivered to GWM for inspection.

So I waved my car goodbye and waited for Bill to drive the 50km+ journey to fetch me. During that time I got thinking about how lucky I am to have my AA membership. It's one of those grudge purchases in life: do I get it and pay +/- R700 per year for something I'll PROBABLY never make use of, or do I not get it and a few months down the line get stuck on the side of the road, helpless? This frame of mind applies to all insurances, and from past experience I have learnt rather pay that money because one never knows what might happen in the future.

What are your thoughts?

Simone
(Carlos for now)