Five Unspoken Office Rules

The workplace. A challenging environment on a good day, so we rely expect our colleagues to exercise compassion and good manners towards us. Right?

Yes in theory, but not in practice.

Here are my five unspoken (but assumed known) office rules:

1) Do NOT, ever, lick your pointer finger and then page through a stack of paperwork. It is not only unhygienic, but the sight of the excess moisture in the corner of some important document is just plain gross. Use a thimble if necessary.

2) Please don't come and find me while I'm on lunch to ask me a question that is not nearly important enough to warrant the interruption. Whatever it is can wait 20 minutes. If I take a desk lunch then you're welcome to ask me if I sent such and such email - then and only then.

3) Please do not leave the kettle empty after making your hot beverage of choice. Remember your manners and fill it for the next person. I can guarantee this will reduce office tension by 10%.

4) Copy colleagues into email responses sparingly. We don't judge how hard you work on the volume of emails you send during a day. Your mailbox is allowed to keep some secrets.

5) Smile. Ask colleagues how they are. By the same token, recognize when a coworker is rushing to meet a deadline and save the small talk for a more convenient time.

Have I missed anything?

Throwback Thursday: Euro Trip for Mom's 50th - Part 1

One year ago today, my mom, William, my grandparents and myself landed in Athens for the trip of a lifetime. My mom wanted to celebrate her 50th birthday by travelling Greece, and visiting her dream destination of Santorini.

After 18 hours of transit, we arrived in the (beautifully warm) ancient city en route to our hotel to join the rest of our tour group. We booked the Trafalgar Aegean Odyssey tour, which comprised two full days in Athens before embarking on a seven night cruise.

Whilst in Athens, we visited the first Olympic Stadium, the Acropolis and the Olympieon and dined in Plaka, the oldest section of Athens. Now we know why the Greek economy is in recession: they've never heard of point of sale bills and more often than not we'd receive a handwritten bill in Greek. Other times our bill was of a verbal nature. Clever - no VAT.

View from our hotel

We boarded the Orient Queen and our first port of call was Istanbul, Turkey. We booked an excursion for a full day tour of the city. Learnt a lot about the city (including the fact that Turkey falls into both Europe and Asia). The The Blue Mosque and Aya Sofya were the first landmarks we visited. The structures were beautiful, but on a summer's day reaching temps of 30 degrees, and a couple of hundred people going barefoot inside, a rather unappealing smell lingered in the air. We had lunch at a traditional restaurant before continuing to the Grand Bazaar (imagine a flea market the size of a mall). Our tour guide warned us about the gypsies that roamed the market, selling 'gold' to tourists at extreme prices. We spent only a few minutes inside (just to see what the fuss was about) before exiting hastily and finding a coffee shop for some respite from the heat and to take a load off our aching feet. Shortly thereafter, we returned to the cruise ship for a swim and a cocktail on the pool deck. 

The Ampitheatre in the Acropolis

Our hotel

Olympic Stadium

Inside the Grand Bazaar

Inside the Blue Mosque

First look at Istanbul

Our cruise ship

Aya Sophya

Mom and I dressed appropriately

The Grand Bazaar

Exterior of the Blue Mosque

Overall impressions of the city: Pretty but we won't return in a hurry. Why do we say that? Whilst we were there, the country was experiencing some political unrest and although we were safe at all times, one could feel the tension emanating off the Istanbul uses. Would we return to Turkey? Maybe sometime in the future, but we would definitely bypass Istanbul.

Next up on our itinerary was Mykonos. Wow. Photographs of this beautiful island do not do it justice. We arrived in the late afternoon, and our tour guide took us for an evening stroll around town. The cruise ship docked in the harbour overnight, so passengers had the option of staying at a hotel on the island as opposed to a night on the ship. We walked around the maze of passages containing curio stores and restaurants a-plenty, and ate lamb for dinner at a restaurant on the beach, an idyllic sunset the backdrop. The next morning we disembarked the ship to start our day on the beach. A bus trip and 40 minutes later, we arrived at Paraga beach.

What a surreal feeling it was knowing we were actually in Greece, on this stunning island that has featured time and time again in magazines and movies. William and I swam in the Mediterranean (which was surprisingly cooler than anticipated) before enjoying a delicious lunch at the restaurant. Note to self: Make sure you know which beach is the nudist beach (awkward). Our time on Mykonos came to an end shortly thereafter, and sadly we did not see the infamous pelicans that call the island home. Definitely a reason to go back! Mykonos was my highlight of the trip. I would love to go back and spend more time exploring this gem of a hotspot. It has such a unique vibe.

Paraga Beach

Mykonos

View from our dinner table

Another beach shot

Sunset

Our fourth day of the cruise was spent at sea. We lay around the pool, reading and enjoying the scenery that surrounded us. Greece really is magnificent, and I would encourage any traveller to make a turn past the Aegean Sea.

Our third stop was the island of Patmos. We spent only a few hours here and due to the limited window of time, we literally disembarked the ship, had a bite to eat at a restaurant in the harbour, browsed some curio shops, and returned to the ship. Our fourth stop (and second for day four) was the thriving city of Kusadasi. Governed by Turkey, the town is very much the opposite of Istanbul as it encompasses more of the European free living vibe. The shopping is absolutely amazing in Kusadasi, and we picked up major bargains on branded products, perfume and of course a leather jacket for my mom. 

Patmos

We even found a South African store!

We had these beautiful sunsets every evening.

...to be continued...

Review: The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North

My longtime friend and former colleague, Matthew, recommended I read this book. Knowing Matthew does not read fiction very often, and judging by his positive feedback on this novel, I realized it was a must read and downloaded it onto my Kindle.

The story line centers around Harry August, a boy born in a train station restroom on New Year's Day 1919. Harry is an ouroboran or kalachakra, a person that is born, lives, dies and so the cycle repeats. His birth date remains the same, but the manner of his death (and the date thereof) differ as a result of his choices in that specific life. Harry is also a mnemonic, which means he remembers everything from his previous lives, even the tiny and insignificant details.

I don't want to give the plot away, but Harry soon becomes embroiled in a plan to delay the end of the world.

This book is an absolute thriller, and will hook you within a few pages. I've never had to use the Oxford dictionary function on my Kindle as much as what I did for this book. It is intellectual and opens up the mind to a whole different school of logic. If you are looking for some insightful theories into the universe, then this is definitely for you. Maybe I found it more fascinating because the idea of reincarnation is so exciting.

Tiny disclaimer: The book does not discredit Christianity, but some religious people may be offended by some of the author's views and remarks.

If you read (or have read) the book, please share your thoughts on it. I would love to receive your feedback.

A Visit to the Farm for a Celebration (or Two)

On the 15th of June, my grandparents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary (massive applause and congratulations to them). A union spanning fifty five years is no small feat in today's world, and wanting to share in this special occasion with them, my mom, William and myself traveled to their farm on the outskirts of Nelspruit to spend a few days with them. Not only was it their wedding anniversary, but also Father's Day.

The farm is situated in the Schoemanskloof valley, which is approximately forty five minutes drive to Nelspruit, and two and a half hours from Benoni. My grandparents spend about two weeks out of every month on the sprawling expanse of land, and have become good friends with those that reside in the valley permanently.

Grandpa showed us his well tended gardens, and took us onto their neighbor's property to view some of the game they keep. Unfortunately we went at the hottest time of day so the animals kept low profiles, although we were able to see Tsongi, the neighbor's tame female kudu. Hand raised from a baby, Tsongi has become used to people and we fed her apples.We had a lovely roast lunch on Sunday to celebrate the two special occasions, prepared by my mom.

It was a beautiful weekend of good weather (the temperatures are much warmer than those of Johannesburg), delicious food and excellent company. Better yet was the fact that the cell phone reception was almost non existent, and we were able to fully enjoy our time together. 

The farm has been an institution in our lives for many years, and I know some friends can share a memory or two from the good old days. Swimming in the Crocodile River, picnicking in the Sappi forests, visiting one of the many stunning waterfalls in the area, the kids collecting firewood each evening, and roughly twenty adults and children sharing ONE bathroom. Somehow we managed, and we had tons of fun in the process. In 2000, the grandparents knocked down the original farmhouse and rebuilt a more modern structure. It now sports DSTV too! Things may have changed, but the essence of the farm hasn't and it was wonderful to escape for a few days.

Thank you to my mom and William for a lovely weekend, and congratulations once again to Mr & Mrs Littleton, circa 1959. We are so proud of you, and lucky to have you as our family matriarchs. We love you beyond measure.

Together for 55 years.

The old water wheel.

The new farmhouse (left) built in 2000 and the original Rondavel, built 1973.

The green lands

Braai area

Old tractor

My mom and grandparents

Three generations

William and his future family

Watching the France vs Hondouras soccer game

Tsongi, the tame kudu

Gratitude, Manners & Compliments

Just when I thought 'thank you' had gone out of fashion, I was pleasantly surprised by a letter of gratitude.

William and I donated some of our older clothing to a family (a mom and three children aged 10-18) in need. The mom of the family works for my grandparents on the farm in Mpumalanga, and after being widowed last year, was struggling to make ends meet.

Such a small gesture on our part invoked such gracefulness from the family, and their letter of thanks brought tears to our eyes. Things we take for granted every day can make a big difference in someone else's life. Give a little.

Manners

Please.

Thank you.

May I?

Do you need some help?

These words should form a large part of our vocabulary today, but sadly they are in the minority. Worse yet is that it is the adults that need reminding, not even the smallest younger children. What has happened in this new age? Being polite seems to be taboo. We have become rude and treat service people (such as waitrons) with less respect than they deserve. This will be the fall of society. The animal kingdom are far more civilized than the human race.

Thank a friend for doing you a favor. These two small words have a great effect and will ensure that friend's commitment to helping you out again in future. A verbal good faith payment, if you will.

Compliments

We do not give compliments often enough. Think about how good you feel when someone says they like your shoes, or how that new hairstyle shaves 10 years off their age. Weigh lost - tell that person that the loss of 5kgs has done wonders for their appearance.

The positive feedback encourages the recipient to continue the struggle until reaching goal weight. Times when they are so desperately craving a chocolate they will remember your compliment, and that may just be the moral support they need to stay on the right track. Everybody needs compliments to boost their self confidence.

So why don't we compliment more? 

Are we jealous of that person and their success? With adulthood, we should be able to put such emotions aside and see the bigger picture.

Someone once told me that she notices good things about people in her life, and mentally acknowledges the nice handbag or changed hair colour, but doesn't verbalize the compliment. In my opinion that is the same as not complimenting someone at all. What good is thinking it but not saying it?  This is not the same as the phrase 'If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.' Exactly the opposite.

If you have something nice to say, don't not say it at all. Double negative = a positive (remember your high school Maths teacher reiterating this principle).

This picture sums it all up for me.

P.S Not expecting any compliments on the aesthetics of this blog as it is under construction, and I hope to present you with a finished product in the not too distant future.

Grief and Maintaining Equilibrium

As readers of my previous post know, our fur child Salem passed onto the next realm last week. At risk of sounding like a crazy cat lady (and people are welcome to think this), William and I are still mourning her.

The initial shock of her premature passing has made way for heart wrenching sorrow, and the thought of life without her becomes too much to bear at times. What some don't understand is that our cats are our children. They have personalities and we consider them our family members. Other people talk about their children and show photographs at social gatherings.We do the same - with our cats.

Colleen sent me this message on Monday night, and at the time it brought on a fresh round of tears at the realization yet again of her absence, today I read it again and it brought some comfort.

I stood at your bedside last night, I came to have a peep.

I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.

"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.

You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.

I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.

I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your key.

I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me".

You looked so very tired and sank into a chair.

I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday.

To say to you with certainty "I never went away".

You sat there very quietly, then smiled. 

I think you knew in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over, I smile and watch you yawning.

I say "Good night, I'll see you in the morning"

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,

I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, then come home to be with me.

Courtney shared this picture with us, and like the passage above, it reminded us that our loved ones are only gone from sight. Their spirits remain with us.

Thank you to everyone that has sent us messages of support over the past few days - we are so grateful to you all.

The universe needs equilibrium. What goes up must come down. Yin and yang. 2014 had been going so well for us, we were thrilled. I'd managed to tick off two of my goals for the year in less than six months, and the prospects for the remainder of the year were bright. There was/is so much to look forward to. However, with every action is an equal and opposite reaction.

This had occurred to me recently, but I'd brushed the thought aside. Something wasn't right but I didn't entertain the notion. It never crossed our minds that such an event would happen, throwing the world as we knew it, into total disarray.

Good with the bad. It wouldn't be life if things ran smoothly.

If things aren't going well, don't give up hope. Something good is on the horizon. Hang in there.

On the other side of the coin, nothing can go well all of the time. I realize this may sound pessimistic, but we do need to be realists.

Salem's untimely passing has taught me a valuable lesson. Don't take anything for granted. Tell your family member/friend/cousin/colleague and fur child that you love them. One never knows when that person/pet will no longer be with us.

I regret not taking more photographs, and have made this me mission in life. If you thought I was annoying with my camera before - just wait! At the end of the day, that is all we have left of our loved ones.

So adjust your hair and neaten your outfit, then SMILE for the camera. These are the memories we'll keep forever.

Goodbye, Salem

Salem, named after the town where the witch trials of 1692 were held because she was black and therefore a witch's cat, went missing yesterday morning. We searched the surrounding area, calling her name, asking fellow neighbours if they'd seen her and even printing flyers to put in postboxes. It has been 36 hours of hell.This evening we received a phone call from a neighbour to say that he was very sorry but he'd found Salem's little body in his backyard yesterday and he had subsequently buried her.

While we are grateful for the closure, and the forfeiture of wondering where she was each day, if she cold or had enough to eat, the news came as a blow. Everyone has hope that the worst possible outcome may not be the actual outcome. We are devastated, and I hope this pain eases over the coming days. Our cats are our children.

We adopted Salem from the SPCA in March 2012. She was already 5 months old then, and because she was not the cutesy kitten anymore, people overlooked her and went for a younger kitten. We adopted Ninja at the same time so they would have each other for company, and we can easily say they had the sibling relationship of humans. They fought and bit each other, but let the other cats know that only they were allowed to interact with each other in that manner. They protected, loved and slept next to each other. Where one was the other was not far away. Salem and I formed a special bond during the two years I was at home. She became an extension of my shadow, and we'd spend hours together. I would study and she would sleep on my lap. When I returned to work this year, I missed her during business hours but always looked forward to going home and seeing her.

William and I joked that Salem was a new spirit to the world, in that she found everything so fascinating. From the birds, to the trees to toys to chasing the other cats - she was full of life and happiness. She could also be a real madam at times, when she sat on the coffee table and swatted any other cat that happened to pass by. These were her "Queen Bee" traits.

Salem - we are going to miss you terribly but know that you will always be in our hearts. Our time together was too short, but I am thankful that we had time at all. Some of our fondest memories of you include the following:

• Drinking water straight from the bathroom tap (trying to get the right water pressure was a task in itself);
• Kneading my gown, and purring so much you would almost throw up;
• Digging in my make up box to fish out my hair elastics which would then lay strewn throughout the house;
• Demanding belly rubs by laying face up on whatever surface was in front of me; and
• How affectionate you were. You would rub yourself along the walls, doors and anything else you could find, purring all the while.

Go well our feline family member, thank you for the memories.

xxx

After some milk

With her brother, Ninja

In the snow, August 2012

Queen Bee moment

5 Things Thursday - Exams are Over & There's so Much to Look Forward to

So the exam of my life is over, and whilst I'm experiencing the elation that only a fellow student released from his/her academic duties can understand, I also feel worried. Extremely worried.

Did I do enough to pass? Last night I barely slept. Thoughts of items I'd forgotten to include, and mathematical errors I'd made constantly entered my mind. There's nothing I can do about it now, so while I hear you think aloud that I should put it to the recess of my consciousness (how badly I want to do that) - as much as I've told myself this and tried - it does not work. Doubt creeps in and the stress starts all over again.

The curse of a student.

To make matters worse, results will only be released in approximately six weeks.

In an attempt to be positive, last night I thought of all the wonderful things that I can do now that I have a break from studying. They are:

1) Having more than a one day weekend. Attending lectures at Edge Business School each Saturday from 8am - 5pm (on a conservative day - some weeks ran until 9pm) meant that I only had Sunday to do all my errands, grocery shopping, free time to see friends, etc. My mom was so helpful during these past three months, cooking dinners for us and doing my weekly shopping - thank you so much mom. Had I not been working the lack of weekend would not normally affect me, and it dawned on me how fortunate I was to have had that opportunity of free time last year.

2) Reading books and not my study guide. I love reading. Non-fiction crime thrillers are my favorite. Best author is James Patterson hands down. Diversity is the spice of life as they say, so I will be looking for new genres to read in the forthcoming six months. Any suggestions?

3) Spending more time with my friends. I only saw my friends a handful of times during this semester. I rarely visited for more than an hour or two, and due to chores associated with running a household, my chats over BBM were short, and more often than not ended in "I have to finish my assignment" or "I need to do my homework for Saturday's lecture". Thank you friends for being patient and supportive during this rather crazy time. I look forward to making up lost time with you in the coming weeks.

4) Now that I am earning my own money again, I want to see and do everything. Try new things. And spoil myself. Buy myself clothing or perfume or whatever catches my eye, and feel like I have well and truly earned it. 

5) My goal for the second half of the year is to challenge myself. Possibly take a photography course or learn a foreign language. Spanish and Italian have always appealed to me. Leaning towards Spanish as it is spoken in more countries worldwide. 

There is so much to look forward to because life is beautiful, and it feels like it has only just begun for me.

Elections 2014

Today, May 7, South Africans go to the polls in our fifth democratic election.

Being the 20th anniversary of freedom, a lot of hype has surrounded the event and political parties have all tried to outdo each other in the hopes of winning the majority vote.

Today has been declared a public holiday to allow all working class South Africans the opportunity to vote, and stations are open from 7am - 9pm. I believe in voting, and encourage everyone that is 18 years and older to cast their ballot.

Too many people feel that their vote doesn't make a difference, but what they don't realize is when all of those "one votes" are added together they DO make a difference. The difference between a majority vote and a minority vote. We have the power to change our country, but it requires us to get up off our bums and do something about it. Unfortunately the culture is to complain but not take any action. I also feel that those that did not vote, yet still took the day off work, should have a day's leave deducted from them. That may seem harsh, but why should someone have a day off for not carrying out the purpose it was created for?

Many of my expat friends made a concerted effort to vote in the election. They voted on the 30th of April, and most had to travel far to their nearest voting station (a clever ploy by the government to deter voters in my personal opinion). This was done at their own cost, and they had to take a day's leave from work. That is dedication and very admirable. Well done guys, you have my respect. For example, Nadia lives in Zurich, Switzerland, and after writing an exam in the morning, she and her husband travelled to Bern to vote. Briony lives in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and flew to Bangkok just to cast her ballot.

To those that I have not acknowledged, please accept my apologies. I am eternally grateful to you as you have set the example for the rest of us.

It took my mom and I 1 hour 45 minutes to vote. We arrived at our voting station just before 10am and although the queue moved slowly, it did move and once our ID's were scanned the process sped up. Approximately 260 people voted per hour at our voting station.

If you have not yet voted, or did not intend voting and have since changed your mind, the voting stations are still open for another 6 hours. Remember, no vote = no complaining.

Your vote is your voice.

Bill's new haircut

Mom and I standing in the queue

The queue when we arrived

Blackened thumbs later

The Problem With... Debt

The average person cannot go through life without being indebted to a financial institution at some stage.

Be it buying a car, a house, clothes from Edgars or even that new gadget on your credit card, we have all experienced being a debtor to someone else.

Not all debt is bad, and if managed properly it can work for you. Having a good credit rating is important. Having a credit rating in totality? Imperative.

According to Transunion and the statistics released for the first quarter of 2014, consumers could not meet their obligations. This is extremely worrying. Not paying month 2's installment results in the balance outstanding attracting interest, and therefore interest being charged on interest when month 3 isn't paid. Once in this spiral of destruction it is hard to get out. 

In my personal opinion, not enough education is provided on the subject of debt and credit. Some understand credit as 'free money' and once the financial services providers see the individual spending (beyond his or her means) they offer MORE credit. I blame the providers. They are giving the individual the spade to dig his or her own credit grave and playing on the consumer's ignorance.

Our domestic worker recently got herself into a difficult situation by running up an almost R5 000 Rand bill at an upmarket clothing store. She was unable to meet the monthly repayments, and when I confronted her about the numerous phone calls from the store, she admitted that she'd gotten herself into trouble. We made a plan to withdraw some funds from a policy we have set up for her retirement to release her from her obligations, but not without explaining the credit concept and how dangerous it can be. 

Last month I paid off all of my outstanding debts. I did not have many, but the repayments each month were cutting into my disposable income. I decided to take control of the situation and paid every cent I owed. Wow, what a feeling of relief! My car isn't under a finance lease, but I have considered trading it in and getting something that's a bit more fuel economical (my consumption rivals that of an SUV). Is spending a few thousand more each month to pay off a new car really smarter than just footing my sub R1 000 fuel bill? No. I'd rather not get a new car. Besides, those repayments could go towards our next overseas holiday.

Read up on credit. Educate yourself. There are many credit bureaus in South Africa that are able to give you sound financial advice in order to proactively reduce your debt. Don't be too proud to ask for help.

I Confess

I have a confession to make. A few, actually.

1. I am a comfort eater. Yes, when the going gets tough I make a bee line for the cupboard. The sweet cupboard. Not being a fan of crisps, my poison is biscuits and chocolate. Once the packaging is open there is no telling where I might stop, if I even do before reaching the bottom of the packet, or the last rows of the slab. I function almost on auto pilot, and automatically my hand keeps reaching for more in an almost robotic fashion. My mind is blank during these times, my only concern is the next mouthful of whatever it is that will make me feel better. The operative word being 'feel'.  Realistically there is no way a box of Oreos or a slab of Cadbury's will change the cause of my comfort eating, nor do I expect it to, but in that instant I feel the weight lift off my shoulders. I am able to forget about my troubles and focus on something good. It is probably equivalent to smoking or drinking for other people. If only chomping on a carrot or slice of cucumber yielded the same result in terms of satisfaction, my waistline would be eternally grateful.

2. I hate being called 'Sim'. Something about this nickname just makes me want to climb the walls. Be it the connection to a cell phone Sim card, or the hugely popular PC game 'The Sims', or even an abbreviation for 'simulation' (recall the movie Simone which was a conjunction of 'simulation one'). I'd prefer people rather call me by my full name instead of Sim. Having said that I can probably expect everyone to call me Sim simply because I've admitted it irritates me, and that's OK. No offence intended toward those that have called me this in the past, you were not aware and therefore I bare you no ill well. Do it again now though, and we're going to have to talk. Just playing!

3. I am a huge germ phobe. I clean my phone and laptop with alcohol swabs on a regular basis. This is largely unfair of me and I accept that, but I don't like people touching the items mentioned above, and yes I will wipe them down afterwards. I almost cringe when one of the IT people at work need to carry out some task on my laptop. Being two of a person's most essential tools, I see it as an invasion of my privacy. Overkill? Yes. Am I being unreasonable? Most definitely. 

Confessions are supposed to relieve the burdens we carry around, and even if no-one reads/hears them, the act of admitting those home truths is enough.